Growing up was a tough road for me. My childhood was marked with the word "abuse". Beginning with seeing the physical fights of my mother and father and ending when I was 19 years old when I finally turned in my step father for all he did to me. I guess my childhood actually ended when I saw the first fight between my mother and father. A loss of innocence that seemed like a never ending vicious cycle, it was as if I had a target on me that led predators right to me. I was broken down to nothing, a shell. Beaten, bruised, molested daily and all I wished for was to die. When I realized something was not right and everything was so wrong I had to fight, literally for my freedom. I am a small girl but three hours after the brawl between myself and a very large man began, I was thrown through a screen door and down stairs. He didn't come after me. Was I free? I laid there for a moment wondering if I could get up. I was covered in blood both mine and his. I slowly got up and realized that I just won my freedom. What now?? I limped and walked as tall as I could. Never to look back again. It wasn't long before the blur of the 7 years I was molested and physically abused came into perspective. I mourned. I mourned the loss of my innocence, not being able to grow up like any other kid. I had no idea what life or love was really like. I felt sorry for myself. I was a victim. The word "victim" is a very powerful word. Victim, to me, has many ugly words attached to it such as; shame, defiled, unclean, ugly, used. I was a mess. Fast forward a year or two. Still covered in scars that I felt everyone could see, but were completely invisable to the world. I heard a song by Nine Inch Nails. I don't quite remember which song it was exactly, if I had to guess it would be The Becoming. Oh man I was hooked. I listed to more and more. The songs Ruiner, Piggy and Big Man With a Gun were my therapy. Ruiner especially, was almost my mantra. I would fall to pieces but as I heard the words of Ruiner I would feel better and STRONGER. Ten years later, I am a strong SURVIVOR. No longer a victim. I still listen to his music daily. I stand tall while my scars still heal. If it wasn't for Nine Inch Nails touching my heart so profoundly I don't know where I would be today. I am strong. I have a good relationship now, finally I can be a normal person. It took time and work. I doubt Trent will ever read this...but maybe one day he will see it and realize the impact he had on my life. Thank you for your music! Thank you for helping me find the strength to become who I am. I will one day be able to make it to one of his concerts and let me tell you, I will be the one passing out from finally being able to see my hero in the flesh. You really are my HERO. http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?35,1375326,1375326#msg-1375326 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 22:58:32 -0700 Phorum 5.2.7 http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?35,1375326,1375359#msg-1375359 http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?35,1375326,1375359#msg-1375359 doofy Writing Sun, 27 May 2012 15:13:01 -0700 http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?35,1375326,1375326#msg-1375326 http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?35,1375326,1375326#msg-1375326
I was broken down to nothing, a shell. Beaten, bruised, molested daily and all I wished for was to die. When I realized something was not right and everything was so wrong I had to fight, literally for my freedom. I am a small girl but three hours after the brawl between myself and a very large man began, I was thrown through a screen door and down stairs. He didn't come after me. Was I free? I laid there for a moment wondering if I could get up. I was covered in blood both mine and his. I slowly got up and realized that I just won my freedom. What now?? I limped and walked as tall as I could. Never to look back again.

It wasn't long before the blur of the 7 years I was molested and physically abused came into perspective. I mourned. I mourned the loss of my innocence, not being able to grow up like any other kid. I had no idea what life or love was really like. I felt sorry for myself. I was a victim. The word "victim" is a very powerful word. Victim, to me, has many ugly words attached to it such as; shame, defiled, unclean, ugly, used. I was a mess.

Fast forward a year or two. Still covered in scars that I felt everyone could see, but were completely invisable to the world. I heard a song by Nine Inch Nails. I don't quite remember which song it was exactly, if I had to guess it would be The Becoming. Oh man I was hooked. I listed to more and more. The songs Ruiner, Piggy and Big Man With a Gun were my therapy. Ruiner especially, was almost my mantra. I would fall to pieces but as I heard the words of Ruiner I would feel better and STRONGER.

Ten years later, I am a strong SURVIVOR. No longer a victim. I still listen to his music daily. I stand tall while my scars still heal. If it wasn't for Nine Inch Nails touching my heart so profoundly I don't know where I would be today. I am strong. I have a good relationship now, finally I can be a normal person. It took time and work.

I doubt Trent will ever read this...but maybe one day he will see it and realize the impact he had on my life. Thank you for your music! Thank you for helping me find the strength to become who I am. I will one day be able to make it to one of his concerts and let me tell you, I will be the one passing out from finally being able to see my hero in the flesh. You really are my HERO.]]> nhannum Writing Sun, 27 May 2012 09:29:22 -0700