Eleven Year Old Boy Commits Suicide Because of Bullying

Eleven Year Old Boy Commits Suicide Because of Bullying

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04/14/09 3:41 PM
BeautyIsAnimate member Perfectly Imperfect Joined: 02/02/08 Posts: 1,132	TheBostonChannel posted: Mother Says Bullies Drove Her Son To Suicide Boy, 11, Found Hanging In Family Home POSTED: 5:29 pm EDT April 9, 2009 UPDATED: 1:41 pm EDT April 10, 2009 BOSTON -- Sirdeaner Walker, 44, has been surrounded by family after discovering her son, Carl Walker-Hoover, 11, hanging by an extension cord in the third-floor landing of the family's Northampton Avenue home in Springfield. Carl Walker-Hoover, 11, committed suicide on March 6, 2009. More Walker said her boy, upset yet again over another bullying episode at school, had committed suicide. "They were always saying, 'you're gay, you must be gay, you act like a girl,'" said Walker. Newscenter 5's Amalia Barreda reported that Carl constantly complained about being targeted by a group of kids at the New Leadership Charter School, where he was a 6th-grader. His mother said school administrators would chalk it up to student immaturity, and Carl was afraid to point the finger at anyone. "I'd say, 'Carl, you know the names of the students, tell them.' He said, 'I don't want to tell them because they'll label me a snitch, a rat, a tattletale,'" said Walker. She said that she contacted the school repeatedly over the last six months to ask teachers to intervene. Sirdeaner Walker believes her son was driven to commit suicide by bullying at his school. "They cannot sit here and say they didn't know, because they knew. They knew he was being made fun of. That's why they're not going to talk to you," Walker said. The school and the chairman of its board of directors did not return Newscenter 5's phone calls. Funeral services have been scheduled for Monday at the Celestrial Praise Church, which Carl attended with his mother every Sunday. "My message is that the bullying, the teasing, the hurtful words, it has to stop," said Walker. Carl's mother said she has survived domestic violence, cancer, and even homelessness. She said none of that pain compares to what she's going through now. "It was the worst experience of my life, and I'm a breast cancer survivor. Four years, it was four years ago I had breast cancer." According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, almost 30 percent of youth in the U.S. are involved in bullying as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both. The Resource Center also reports that a survey of students in grades 6-10 shows that 13 percent report having bullied other students, and another 11 percent said they were the targets of bullying. A report released by the Massachusetts Department of Public Health on Wednesday showed that the suicide rate among young male adults in the state rose 28 percent in 2007. The category, however, does not reflect deaths among teenagers and students Carl’s age. Copyright 2009 by TheBostonChannel.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Carl's funeral was Monday, April 13th. Carl would have turned 12 on Friday, April 17th. April 17th is also the Day of Silence. The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools.
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04/14/09 3:50 PM
Suge member Turbo Cunt Joined: 11/26/07 Location: The Rezervation Posts: 31,124	That's pretty fucked up and sad. It sucks to see schools haven't changed very much since I was a kid...
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04/14/09 2:51 PM
savagestar member Betch, please. Joined: 09/04/08 Location: Greece Posts: 10,743	Having a 13 year old brother that sometimes gets bullied, it sent chills to my spine. That is shocking, infuriating and it should really make us think how children are being brought up today.
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04/14/09 4:10 PM
BeautyIsAnimate member Perfectly Imperfect Joined: 02/02/08 Posts: 1,132	The Trevor Project posted: Suicidal Warning Signs: * A tendency toward isolation and social withdrawal * Increasing substance abuse * Expression of negative attitudes toward self * Expression of hopelessness or helplessness * Loss of interest in usual activities * Giving away valued possessions * Expression of a lack of future orientation: "It won't matter soon anyway." * For someone who has been very depressed, when that depression begins to lift, the individual may be at INCREASED risk of suicide, as the individual will have the psychological energy to follow-through on suicidal ideation. The Trevor Project posted: How You Can Help a Suicidal Person: Listen. Suicidal people frequently feel no one understands them, that they are not taken seriously, and that no one listens to them. Accept the person’s feelings as they are. Do not try to cheer the person up by making, positive, unrealistic statements. Do not joke about the situation. Do not be afraid to talk about suicide directly. You will not be putting ideas into the person’s head. It may, in fact, be dangerous to avoid asking a person directly if s/he is feeling suicidal. Ask them if they have developed a plan for suicide. The presence of a well-developed plan indicates more serious intent. Remove anything dangerous from the person’s home that might be used in a suicide attempt (e.g., gun, knife, razor blades, sleeping pills). Tell a trusted adult. Do not keep it a secret. If someone you know is considering suicide, an adult is the best person to handle the situation and offer that person help. Make No Deals to keep secret what a suicidal person has told you. Express your concern for the person and your hope that the person will not choose suicide but instead will stick it out a little longer. Remind the person that depressed feelings do change over time. Point out that when death is chosen, it is final--it cannot be changed. Develop a plan for help with the person. If you cannot develop a plan and a suicide attempt is imminent, seek outside emergency help from a hospital, mental health clinic or call "911." Resource for gay youth considering suicide: The Trevor Project Resource for youth regarding bullying(for any reason): Stop Bullying Now! Bullying Prevention resource for Parents and Educators: Olweus Bullying Prevention Program Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2009 03:16PM by BeautyIsAnimate.
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04/14/09 9:09 PM
tekkaman42 member Joined: 11/27/07 Posts: 398	Everything BeautyIsAnimate said, and the school and bully's families should be required to pay for the funeral and all associated costs if it can be shown that they knew of the bullying and did nothing.
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04/14/09 10:20 PM
narcotic_muse member Joined: 04/06/09 Location: Tartarus Posts: 27	tekkaman42 posted: Everything BeautyIsAnimate said, and the school and bully's families should be required to pay for the funeral and all associated costs if it can be shown that they knew of the bullying and did nothing. A horrid tragedy. Suicide is a cruel and horrid thing to suffer (both the person contemplating it and those left behind). And yet one wonders what the school could've done. They can't physically restrain the children involved and the boy wouldn't identify the bullies to allow the school to use disciplinary action. I've seen schools handle bullies really really well, but they still need a name to handle. What do we do? Imprison the kid to 'protect' him? That'll only isolate him further and make it as if he has the problem rather than the kids doing the bullying. Bullying is a huge problem and the solutions are few and far between. Like I said, I've seen it handled really well and I've seen schools with very little bullying due to the school building a really positive culture of social justice. But those things take time and money and a government willing to not just fund based on test results. It is complex and as a result, people are dying. It is awful. Too often schools are blamed for all of this and yet where are the parents? Where are the actual bullies and parents of bullies being held accountable. Schools are just an easy target to blame for every social ill out there - but if you are really worried about your child you don't just call the school. I'm not attempting to attribute blame, far from it. But it is a problem when we are desperate to blame someone and the good ole school is an easy target.
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04/14/09 10:20 PM
sonus member Domus Dulcis Domus Joined: 05/03/08 Location: Litterae Humaniures Posts: 1,732	Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, almost 12-years-old posted: Carl's mother said she has survived domestic violence, cancer, and even homelessness. That's quite a lot for a little boy to go through. Were there any other relatives involved in their life like Grandparents or aunts and uncles to support them financially or emotionally. posted: He was active in Boy Scouts, an avid football player and was involved in several academic programs at Springfield's New Leadership Charter School. Programs requiring more than one adult, he wasn't alone with classmates. posted: Sirdeaner Walker says over the past few months she noticed her once happy child drastically change. "There was a definite change in his behavior he had difficult days," adds Walker. Not a lifetime of bullying but a "happy child who drastically changed" and only in the past few months. posted: Carl confided to his mother back in September he was being bullied at school. So Sirdeaner joined the school PTOs and got involved in his academics hoping to keep the bullying in check. She even confronted several administrators but never got any answers. So she then contacted the school's guidance counselor and sought counseling outside of school. But Carl's behavior didn't improve. "He would act out and be aggressive because he didn't want them picking on him anymore, " says Walker. Just at what point did bullying kick in. Carl is active with school and even his Mother joins in, even later "confronting" administrators, talking to his school guidance counselor, and even having him counseled outside of school. After all that Carl would be watched to see if he's really getting picked on; schools don't like angry Mothers, they'll do something if there's a case. So a happy boy who drastically changed, starts acting out and became aggressive just in the past few months. I don't think it's from bullying, I think there's something more. But of course, the children will be blamed and even more strict rules will be placed around their throats as if there aren't enough already. source Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2009 10:32PM by sonus.
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04/15/09 10:19 AM
NIN_Bitch member Joined: 10/07/08 Location: VA Posts: 15	sonus posted: So a happy boy who drastically changed, starts acting out and became aggressive just in the past few months. I don't think it's from bullying, I think there's something more. But of course, the children will be blamed and even more strict rules will be placed around their throats as if there aren't enough already. posted: I don't know if this is the same story I read before or not, but I read one that said an 11 year old kid hung himself because of bullying and that was the 4th case of suicide at that school just from bullying. So you can't say that they are "just blaming" it on bullying or the childern. I seen this happen all the time when I was in school, and even know of a couple kid who tried to kill themselves at our school as well. It's not just bullying, these kids are taking it to an extreme that the others can't handle so they kill themselves...think back to when you were a kid and got picked on and how much it hurt. Imagine enduring that every single day. The teachers have to be seeing this and turning a blind eye to it. Add that to the fact that he watched his mom go through cancer ...my dad died from cancer when I was 11, that’s a hard thing to have to deal with. Getting bullied at the same time wouldn't help either. And obviously the rules aren't strict enough if this is going still going on after the mother repeatedly told the schools, and like i said if this is the same school I read about this is the fourth case of suicide from bullying something needs to be done. Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2009 04:07PM by NIN_Bitch.
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04/15/09 3:29 PM
MRR member Joined: 04/14/08 Location: Toronto Posts: 753	Sonus, you're making a lot of unfounded assumptions from this news article. For instance: sonus posted: posted: Carl's mother said she has survived domestic violence, cancer, and even homelessness. That's quite a lot for a little boy to go through. Were there any other relatives involved in their life like Grandparents or aunts and uncles to support them financially or emotionally. Nothing indicates that the boy went through any of that. People do have lives before their children are born. It's possible that the child experienced some of this, but it's conjecture either way - and it's more likely than not that a report would have picked up on this and printed it if the boy had been through it, I'd think. sonus posted: posted: He was active in Boy Scouts, an avid football player and was involved in several academic programs at Springfield's New Leadership Charter School. Programs requiring more than one adult, he wasn't alone with classmates. Boy Scouts is not a school activity. Most school-related extracurricular activities (such as football) will only have one adult present. And "several academic programs" could mean anything, really. Either way, what does that have to do with anything? It's no real cause to suspect that something else must have been going on. We could be skeptical of each and every news story that comes through - and to some extent that's a good thing to do - but this seems more like a collection of poor assumptions than an example of healthy skepticism. It's not uncommon for people to kill themselves over social pressures, so I'm not sure why we should be overly critical in this case. Also, with regards to the idea of holding the parents of the bullies responsible: Many of them probably had no idea. They probably ought to have taught their children better, but without being informed of the behaviour it's incredibly difficult to correct, especially when their child sees this behaviour reinforced (and going unpunished) by their peers.
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04/15/09 7:45 PM
sonus member Domus Dulcis Domus Joined: 05/03/08 Location: Litterae Humaniures Posts: 1,732	Nothing indicates he didn't live with Mom his short life, either. Mom was "surrounded by family" after his death. But I wonder if anyone else lived with them at any point -- boyfriends, family, anyone at all. People can come and go. With her breast cancer, homelessness and such it seems he went through it with her alone ... it's alot like I said but articles aren't clear on that. They even attended church on Sundays together. Boy Scouting isn't a school activity, you're right, but it's thoroughly supported such as: uniforms worn during school hours and scouts' use of the cafeteria, classrooms and school grounds for merit-making. There's always one or two scout leaders present and young men as Eagle Scouts along with one or two parents. In boys' sports I've observed (especially football) there are several adults and coaches. Also, I take Carl's academic programs to mean higher learning, also requiring adult(s). Where is the bullying. She said he just started acting out, this once happy boy and just started being aggressive in the past few months but not from September. Was he aggressive with her or in school? Carl's private counseling apart from the school's -- nothing was discovered? My point is the sudden change in Carl's behavior; did grades plummet, aggressive usually means physical or violent -- is that why she got involved in his school. I question how a happy, normal, active boy involved in academic and sport programs, how could he go from that to: __________________________________________________________ 11-year-old Boy Hangs Himself After Enduring Daily Anti-Gay Bullying __________________________________________________________ I can't shake it, it doesn't add up for me based on her words. Such a gruesome and violent death all of a sudden.
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04/15/09 8:04 PM
JackTheVampire93 member Joined: 11/27/07 Location: Earth Posts: 179	Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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04/15/09 9:08 PM
sonus member Domus Dulcis Domus Joined: 05/03/08 Location: Litterae Humaniures Posts: 1,732	Carl left an apology for his Mother in a suicide note and videos to a younger brother. On this site: posted: No one is reporting whether or not Carl was indeed gay, but it really doesn’t matter. Every child deserves the right to go to school and feel safe. NOTE Please do not confuse this story with 11 year old Aquan Lewis that I reported on before. The only similarity between the two for certain is that they are both African American 11 year old boys. They lived in completely different parts of the country (Illinois and Massachusetts) and had different circumstances leading to their suicides. Another suicide? No bullying mentioned for this 10-year-old and Mom thinks he was murdered but they ruled it as suicide. How do you hang yourself on a bathroom stall-door hook. If Aquan did commit suicide, I can't comprehend how the thought enters a child's mind for either boy. Beyond sad. Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2009 09:09PM by sonus.
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04/15/09 9:12 PM
tekkaman42 member Joined: 11/27/07 Posts: 398	narcotic_muse posted: tekkaman42 posted: Everything BeautyIsAnimate said, and the school and bully's families should be required to pay for the funeral and all associated costs if it can be shown that they knew of the bullying and did nothing. A horrid tragedy. Suicide is a cruel and horrid thing to suffer (both the person contemplating it and those left behind). And yet one wonders what the school could've done. They can't physically restrain the children involved and the boy wouldn't identify the bullies to allow the school to use disciplinary action. I've seen schools handle bullies really really well, but they still need a name to handle. What do we do? Imprison the kid to 'protect' him? That'll only isolate him further and make it as if he has the problem rather than the kids doing the bullying. Bullying is a huge problem and the solutions are few and far between. Like I said, I've seen it handled really well and I've seen schools with very little bullying due to the school building a really positive culture of social justice. But those things take time and money and a government willing to not just fund based on test results. It is complex and as a result, people are dying. It is awful. Too often schools are blamed for all of this and yet where are the parents? Where are the actual bullies and parents of bullies being held accountable. Schools are just an easy target to blame for every social ill out there - but if you are really worried about your child you don't just call the school. I'm not attempting to attribute blame, far from it. But it is a problem when we are desperate to blame someone and the good ole school is an easy target. I work in school administration, and I brought the point up because there are very concrete things that schools have to do when they are made aware of a bullying situation, including a paper trail and various parental notifications. I also know that some school administrators completely drop the ball on this kind of thing, and if this school did that, they should be held liable. Of course, the boy's mother should have gone directly to the parents as well as to the school, and she should have gone to the police if that didn't work. Plenty of blame to go around in something like this.
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04/15/09 11:21 PM
josiegallows member Joined: 12/04/08 Location: Memphis TN Posts: 148	sonus posted: Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, almost 12-years-old posted: Carl's mother said she has survived domestic violence, cancer, and even homelessness. That's quite a lot for a little boy to go through. Were there any other relatives involved in their life like Grandparents or aunts and uncles to support them financially or emotionally. posted: He was active in Boy Scouts, an avid football player and was involved in several academic programs at Springfield's New Leadership Charter School. Programs requiring more than one adult, he wasn't alone with classmates. posted: Sirdeaner Walker says over the past few months she noticed her once happy child drastically change. "There was a definite change in his behavior he had difficult days," adds Walker. Not a lifetime of bullying but a "happy child who drastically changed" and only in the past few months. posted: Carl confided to his mother back in September he was being bullied at school. So Sirdeaner joined the school PTOs and got involved in his academics hoping to keep the bullying in check. She even confronted several administrators but never got any answers. So she then contacted the school's guidance counselor and sought counseling outside of school. But Carl's behavior didn't improve. "He would act out and be aggressive because he didn't want them picking on him anymore, " says Walker. Just at what point did bullying kick in. Carl is active with school and even his Mother joins in, even later "confronting" administrators, talking to his school guidance counselor, and even having him counseled outside of school. After all that Carl would be watched to see if he's really getting picked on; schools don't like angry Mothers, they'll do something if there's a case. So a happy boy who drastically changed, starts acting out and became aggressive just in the past few months. I don't think it's from bullying, I think there's something more. But of course, the children will be blamed and even more strict rules will be placed around their throats as if there aren't enough already. source And considering this young mans troubles, ALL THE MORE REASON for them to have done far more and stopped unwarranted verbal and emotional abuse from occuring on a regular basis of 5 days a week no doubt. Leaving your kid at a public school or such is like leaving them in a pit of retards with heavy sticks. sigh
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04/16/09 12:10 AM
sonus member Domus Dulcis Domus Joined: 05/03/08 Location: Litterae Humaniures Posts: 1,732	That's what I was wondering, Carl's "troubles". Did he go through those problems with Mom because it's a load. But a happy boy she said and a few months of bullying, she said. To hang yourself over this -- ugh. Unless his neck snapped immediately suffocating to death is a painful way to die. I hope his little brother didn't see him dangling in the stairwell. Suburban public schools are more like private and you have to live in that city to attend. But big city education, forget it. Thank fuck I never had to subject my boy to it.
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04/16/09 1:32 AM
MRR member Joined: 04/14/08 Location: Toronto Posts: 753	sonus posted: Nothing indicates he didn't live with Mom his short life, either. Yeah, I directly acknowledged that (well, sortof: I didn't limit my statement to whom the boy lived with, but instead made the more broad claim about whether or not he experienced personal difficulty because of the other hardships the mother has faced - i.e., perhaps she lived in poverty before her son was born). Thank you for mentioning it again. However, I also pointed out some strong anecdotal reasons to believe that it was not the case that his mother experienced all of these traumas while her son was alive or that he was affected by them. sonus posted: Boy Scouting isn't a school activity, you're right, but it's thoroughly supported such as: uniforms worn during school hours and scouts' use of the cafeteria, classrooms and school grounds for merit-making. There's always one or two scout leaders present and young men as Eagle Scouts along with one or two parents. In boys' sports I've observed (especially football) there are several adults and coaches. Also, I take Carl's academic programs to mean higher learning, also requiring adult(s). Do people actually wear boy scout uniforms in school? I'm sure he would never have actually done that. Talk about a fast way to get yourself picked on... sonus posted: My point is the sudden change in Carl's behavior; did grades plummet, aggressive usually means physical or violent -- is that why she got involved in his school. I question how a happy, normal, active boy involved in academic and sport programs, how could he go from that to: __________________________________________________________ 11-year-old Boy Hangs Himself After Enduring Daily Anti-Gay Bullying __________________________________________________________ I can't shake it, it doesn't add up for me based on her words. Such a gruesome and violent death all of a sudden. This wasn't "all of a sudden." It was drastic, yes, because of how low he got, but not because of how fast he got there. This happened over the course of EIGHT MONTHS, which, for an 11 year-old, is a significant amount of time. Also, I think that many people in this thread, particularly those looking to cast blame, underestimate a person's ability to conceal their own suffering. Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2009 12:39AM by MRR.
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04/16/09 1:30 AM
Miss member Joined: 12/19/08 Location: Colorado Posts: 235	MRR posted: Also, I think that many people in this thread, particularly those looking to cast blame, underestimate a person's ability to conceal their own suffering. QFT. And how many times do you hear "it just came out of nowhere" or "it's so unlike him/her" or "but they seemed fine" after a suicide? Quite bloody often it seems. 4 for 4 in my personal experience, not including news reports or anecdotes. And I do hear it often enough in the news. By the way, there's a thread in Outreach here about bullying if anyone is interested for any reason, particularly if it is not something you yourself have experienced. Understanding what some of your peers here have gone through might shed some light on how this child may have felt.
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04/16/09 11:36 PM
BeautyIsAnimate member Perfectly Imperfect Joined: 02/02/08 Posts: 1,132	Essence.com posted: A Parent's Worst Nightmare: The Real Story Behind Carl Walker-Hoover's Suicide Wendy L. Wilson Sirdeaner Walker, 44, is ferociously protective of her four children. So when her 11-year-old son Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover complained to her last September of being bullied by students at the New Leadership Charter School in Springfield, Massachusetts, for "acting gay," she did something about it. She spoke to his principal, teachers and guidance counselor and became more active in the Parent Teachers Organization. But the teasing and threats continued and Carl started acting out in school, becoming increasingly fearful and felt even more alienated. On Monday, April 6, everyone learned just how serious the situation had become. Walker found her little boy with an extension cord wrapped around his neck, hanging from the third floor rafter of their home. Peter J. Daboul, chairman of the Board for New Leadership Charter School, released a statement shortly after Carl's death saying, "I plan to initiate an investigation into the facts and the allegations to ensure that the school responded in an appropriate manner." School officials did not respond to our calls for comment, but the school has sponsored a carnation drive and a walk in Carl's honor. In the letter left behind for his mother, Carl explained that he simply couldn't take it anymore. He apologized, expressing his love for his family and bequeathing his Pokéman cards to his little brother—a sign of his youth but an even bigger indication of the senselessness of this act. Approximately 4,500 lives are lost every year as suicide has become the third leading cause of death for youth between the ages of 10 to 24, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Just a few days shy of Carl's twelfth birthday (April 17), his mother is speaking out. Astonishingly calm and with great resolve, Sirdeaner Walker spoke to ESSENCE.com about what she believes the school did wrong, Carl's final days and the question that will forever loom in her mind—why? ESSENCE.COM: What was your son like? SIRDEANER WALKER: He loved to go to school and he loved to learn. I always have my kids involved in different activities. Carl was a Boy Scout, he played on the 5A football team, the Martin Luther King, Jr. Community Center basketball team and the Holy Name soccer team. He was pretty athletic. Some of the kids would tease him about not being that good at basketball or football, but I told Carl as long as you enjoyed the sport, it doesn't matter what they say. Just go out there and have fun. And that's what he tried to do. ESSENCE.COM: When was the first time he came to you and said, Mom, I'm having some problems at school? WALKER: It was very early on in the school year. He told me that he was being called names and the kids were saying, "You're gay; you act like a girl." I never raised him to fight or hit back. I talked to his teacher to get to the bottom of it. I told Carl he was going to have to give his teacher the names [of the kids] but he was so afraid because he didn't want to be labeled as a snitch, and if they were punished, they would come back at him. ESSENCE.COM: You've received a lot of support from the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. Do you believe Carl was struggling with his sexuality? WALKER: No, there was no indication of that. Carl was just 11 years old. I don't even think he reached puberty yet. His voice hadn't started to change. This is bigger than a gay issue. In fact, I'm worried about one of Carl's friends who is being picked on as well because she's overweight. That's why it's bigger than a gay issue. These kids will tease you over anything. ESSENCE.COM: At what point did you go to the administration and ask for help? WALKER: It was around October last year when we started to see a change in his behavior. We had weekly appointments with the guidance counselor and she set up a grid so each teacher could report on his behavior. Every time I approached his teachers when there was a problem, I told them we can come up with a plan; I will punish him at home. He really liked the Nintendo DS, so I started taking away things that he really liked until I started to see some improvement in school. About a month ago, I got a call from the school and they told me that he was being disruptive in class. When I asked Carl about it he said there was a sixth-grade gang that threatened to kill him and beat him up and that he was scared. ESSENCE.COM: What happened on the day Carl died? WALKER: Usually I drive Carl to the bus stop, but that morning I had an early conference call at work. When I got home that evening, he was sitting on the couch with his backpack. He has a big, rolling backpack that apparently knocked into a TV stand in his classroom that day. Carl told me that the TV [accidently] hit a student and she went off saying, "I'm going to kill you." And that's how it started. Carl came home very upset thinking he was going to be suspended. I started making supper and then he just went upstairs. I called his name and he didn't answer me. I went up to get him and that's when I found him. ESSENCE.COM: You decided to donate his eyes and heart valve. Why did you make that decision? WALKER: I thought about Carl, and he was always helping people. Last Fourth of July, we had a big cookout and Carl got hurt riding his bike. I asked him why he wasn't wearing his helmet. My relatives told me he had given his helmet to his cousin to wear. So when it came to making the organ donation, it wasn't a hard decision at all because that's the type of kid he was. I know that's what he would've wanted me to do. ESSENCE.COM: There were hundreds of people who came out to Carl's funeral. What did that mean to you? WALKER: I just felt so good. It was a celebration of his life. I knew that if God brought me through breast cancer, he will bring me through this and that's what I hold on to. I know that God has something good planned through all this. I know Carl loved the Lord. I know that he loved his life. ESSENCE.COM: What are you hoping will come from Carl's passing? WALKER: Eventually I want to study the policies on bullying for charter schools in Springfield. I'm concerned because the school operates through a board of directors. The Department of Education should have control over charter schools. Right now it seems like everybody is following their own guidelines.
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04/16/09 11:16 PM
animalpipes member wine ho Joined: 04/07/09 Location: a dark room Posts: 249	sadly, I dont find this story very surprising. I am sure if I mention social darwinism, it will be take wrongly and out of context, but it does seem like we not only allow bullying behavior, we actually encourage it in some ways. Yep, so much changes, so much stays exactly the fucking same. Expect to see this story again. And again.
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04/17/09 6:44 AM
janedoepa member Chief Spazz & Lid Flipper Joined: 11/27/07 Posts: 3,030	I was the brunt of a TON of bullying growing up...There were times, and not until I was in my mid to late 20's did I really learn to deal with it, that I can honestly say I considered suicide as well. The fact is, kids brains, the prefrontal cortex (That handles logic & reasoning) don't fully develop until they are around age 21, so you not only have hormones raging, everything is a drama or overly emotional. You add constant verbal assault and abuse and it scars deeply. It takes growing up and maturity to be able to look back on it and work it out/make sense of it. It COMEPLETELY ERODES your sense of self-esteem. It's ONE world at home, when you've got parent's telling you to "ignore it" or to "just RISE above it" (which is true and makes sense to an adult), but when you're out in the world facing it every day, from people you have NO CHOICE BUT to face everyday, it's very very hard to hold your head up. Despite what some people think, there ARE those of us who are genuinely gentle, kind, sweet, peace loving spirits that wouldn't hurt a fly; unless you back us into a corner. We aren't weak by any means but very sensitive and this sort abuse confuses and hurts us deeply. When we're younger we internalize and believe it; so you end up with coping mechanisms of drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, being the class clown/entertainer, the people pleasers, etc., looking for some sort of validation. “Ok I'm fat but I can make you laugh so I'm ok then right? “ The people, the kids especially, that do this sort of thing (The bullies) are the ones who are hurting the most or who have been raised/taught that this behavior is acceptable. Probably by parents who went through it too. Like everything else it's cyclical. It's behavior that is learned (Bullying) and it's an avoidance behavior (I won't deal with the real issue, I'll just take it out on someone else. That’s easier and quicker and painless). It is something that needs to be addressed seriously by all school officials. School should be a SAFE place, a FUN place; not a living hell. And, as I said before, kids don't know any better they haven't been on the planet long enough so it’s up to the adults to step in (Whether the kids like it or not). And I'll be brutally honest about something else, I think social networking websites have a lot of plus, but they make it WAAAY to easy for people, of all ages, to brutally bully, assault and victimize other people. Only now you don't do it to their faces, you can hide behind a computer screen in the privacy of your own home, which makes you think it’s ok to say ANYTHING now. Mom grounds you, go beat the hell out of somebody online. Your husband or kids frustrate you, take it out on someone online; someone who's living the life you wish you'd chosen. You can't get a date, go make a pass at a teenager online. You get the picture? Believe me, being online has been a BIG eye opener not only as to my own behavior, but to human behavior in general. I think bullying in school is only the tip of the iceberg of a much bigger/deeper problem; one that forces a poor child to believe they have no other way out but to kill themselves. Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2009 06:57AM by janedoepa.
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04/17/09 8:56 AM
BeautyIsAnimate member Perfectly Imperfect Joined: 02/02/08 Posts: 1,132	[www.youtube.com]
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04/17/09 2:33 PM
spicycatburgers member RAWR. Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,666	BeautyIsAnimate posted: April 17th is also the Day of Silence. The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. I did this, did anyone else here?
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04/17/09 7:21 PM
MRR member Joined: 04/14/08 Location: Toronto Posts: 753	Thanks for posting the follow-up article. The details there prove pretty soundly that no, there wasn't anything else fishy going on here (as per sonus' suggestion). If anything else was happening, it was that school officials saw a concerned mother, initially thought to themselves "What's she so worried about? Kids will be kids!" and blew her off as some sort of fanatic. animalpipes posted: sadly, I dont find this story very surprising. I am sure if I mention social darwinism, it will be take wrongly and out of context, but it does seem like we not only allow bullying behavior, we actually encourage it in some ways. Yep, so much changes, so much stays exactly the fucking same. Expect to see this story again. And again. Yeah, those were my initial thoughts as well, but I held off out of some modicum of respect for the subject matter (not that I mean to label you as disrespectful - I just likely would have been more harsh/cynical in my presentation). The CNN video was actually pretty nice in that it highlighted one of my biggest pet-peeves: the pervasiveness of the double-standard regarding homosexual slurs relative to racism and other forms of bigotry. (I still think sexism has a way to go as well, for what it's worth.) I used to see people calling each other "faggots" fairly frequently here on nin.com but a few of us made our concerns known and things seem to have improved (or maybe I just avoid the shitlist and the chat room...). It's true that people don't necessarily use these terms because they have anything against gay people. They're just looking for a way to attack someone, because attacking other people to make yourself feel better is what you do when you're an ignorant fucking asshole. In order to put someone else down they make an appeal to - and in the process reinforce - a pre-existing cultural bias. The fact that they reinforce negative attitudes towards homosexuality (or women or ethnic minorities) is wrong and ought to stop, and the fact that people feel the need to be unrelentingly hostile towards each other is, in my mind, an even more serious and more fundamental problem.
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04/17/09 10:52 PM
pandora114 member Joined: 09/04/08 Location: Comox BC Posts: 2,597	I was bullied mercilessly all through high school. starting in grade 9 when I moved to Grand Manan NB. My own cousin bullied the shit out of me and encouraged others to do so. The Principal even encouraged and supported THEM saying I deserved it because I was from "Away" and had a chip on my shoulder. Because of the bullying, I stopped playing my flute which I loved to do before I moved there, I also forced myself to forget how to speak French. Anything to stop me from being different. I also attempted suicide. that didn't work I got involved with an abusive boyfriend. I deserved it after all...not being from there and all...I deserved every beating I got in my mind.. But yeah, It leaves life long scars if you fight through it. I still can't confront anyone.
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04/18/09 1:58 AM
MRR member Joined: 04/14/08 Location: Toronto Posts: 753	pandora114 posted: It leaves life long scars [even] if you fight through it. Very true. It's not only the cases where someone commits suicide that we should be worried about.
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04/20/09 8:18 AM
Vamsmack member facepalm Joined: 11/27/07 Location: Melbourne Posts: 430	MRR posted: pandora114 posted: It leaves life long scars [even] if you fight through it. Very true. It's not only the cases where someone commits suicide that we should be worried about. I pushed through 7 Years of incredibly savage bullying, came through it, got the scars to prove it, but I can honestly say i was inches away from where this poor kid went... You just don't see the end of it. And it does normally kick in around 10-12 age group for the more savage stuff. So im not really surprised about this either. Apparently it was kind of the same for my parents they saw me go from fine to dark and brooding and incredibly introverted within 6 months of starting intermediate(jr high) Kids are fucking evil sometimes. More than anything they actually need to pay teachers a shit load more, get them more assistance and maybe then they would A) Actually have the time to see these things going on Be able to spot the warning signs or to spot the bullying and stop it C) Give the kids who are having problems the help they need... they can't be expected to do this now in the current state the school systems are in almost world wide.... Its a horrible thing and I wouldn't wish it on my own worst enemy.
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04/20/09 12:28 PM
MRR member Joined: 04/14/08 Location: Toronto Posts: 753	It's not simply a matter of paying teachers more. Many teachers turn a blind eye and/or contribute themselves to the bullying. Having more stringent regulations on who is allowed to teach would be a better start - combining that with higher pay and greater prestige could work, but throwing more money at our current system won't accomplish much of anything.
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04/20/09 11:37 AM
pandora114 member Joined: 09/04/08 Location: Comox BC Posts: 2,597	MRR posted: It's not simply a matter of paying teachers more. Many teachers turn a blind eye and/or contribute themselves to the bullying. Having more stringent regulations on who is allowed to teach would be a better start - combining that with higher pay and greater prestige could work, but throwing more money at our current system won't accomplish much of anything. More teachers, smaller class sizes will go a long way to at least lessening bullying. Less kids for the teacher to look after, the less stressed and more able to catch it when it occurs. Of course in cases like mine, parents being proactive in getting the instigating teachers disciplined when they themselves bully students....would help send a message that playing favorites is bad. //wishes my parents listened to me when I told them about the bullying and the principal egging it on and verbally abusing me during high school...
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04/20/09 11:50 AM
jayetheartist member IT'S A SOCIAL MORAY!!! Joined: 05/09/08 Location: bloggedbyjaye.blogspot.co Posts: 10,119	MRR posted: Many teachers turn a blind eye and/or contribute themselves to the bullying. And many parents do, too. The problem doesn't just go away once people hit their supposed adult years.
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04/20/09 3:44 PM
MRR member Joined: 04/14/08 Location: Toronto Posts: 753	jayetheartist posted: MRR posted: Many teachers turn a blind eye and/or contribute themselves to the bullying. And many parents do, too. The problem doesn't just go away once people hit their supposed adult years. Certainly so; my comments were specifically in response to the notion that giving teachers a bigger paycheque would do anything directly to help the problem. I don't deny that there are very many factors that contribute to the problem of intimidation among children.
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