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07/26/10 1:27 PM

had a feeling my nite had went bad
when a couple guys refused to leave
the bar i was trying to close

so off I went
and keno fooly mastered
last draw i hit 216.00

so off I sauntered with
boo bear cross the street

next thing ya know i'm beating
a guy with his baseball hat
he had it coming for calling me fat

told a girl to fuck off and that
she was a bitch to boot

so 30 days i'm barred
for inciting a riot
bar stools falling down
tables being pushed around

don't know where my insane animal anger
came from
i thought i was more civilized

 

07/26/10 1:31 PM

do you have to let go of the
wrong one
to find the right one?

or can you hold on loosely
to the wrong one

and let the right one come
and take you away

like cutting in on a dance

i'd like to believe that is
possible

it's the only way i have a chance

 

07/26/10 1:36 PM

Craigina and I walk into
the Track
i'm told i can't be in there
so we go across the street
to aubree's
and within 5 minutes we had
to leave because Craig is
barred from there

so we stand on Cross Street
lauging with nowhere we can
both go

we get in his hoopty
and head to D town

he's driving so fast the speedomoter
is wagging like a dog's tail
i grip my purse
holding on for life
throwing in some silent prayers
in the air
that i make it there and back
alive

greektown
we park on monroe street
do a little check writing
in the casino
play some games
leave with barely cutting
a dent in our bank roll

we decide to eat in
a coney island downtown

before heading our outcasted
butts back to Ypsi

there's still the tap room
and smarty cats left
in town.

 

08/07/10 10:44 PM

twisting
turning
churning
and burning
with guilt

paper chasing
leads
to burnin paper

empty
absolute zero

well almost

God when will I realize it's
not worth it
there must be a book
on the deep psychological
affects of gambling
or how to break em

 

08/07/10 10:52 PM

I miss the way things used to be
when we would hold hands
just walk around ann arbor
and you loved to kiss my neck
or kiss in general

now your like the chick
from "Baggage"
except you don't sleep
with rats

we sleep seperate
we don't cuddle
i wonder why
everything is all asunder

ruined
tainted
with this and that
tit for tat

you say you love me
you show me you do
in a family way
but not like a lover

waves pull me under
leave me passive
watching the bubbles
float upward

wondering if i can
keep swimming to the top

for fresh air
to find no one there

 

08/07/10 10:58 PM

i've made the disconnection
i've heard the sound
of wedding bells
and nursery rhymes

not even my delusions can
include you now

for once in my life
i don't have delusions
about anyone

just feeling the void
that they used to fill

filling it with whatever
i will

i'm going to get ambitious
tomorrow
next day
next month

procrastinate
because the void
is too heavy to pass through

 

08/07/10 11:02 PM

am i so far off my path
am i in the wilderness
the brush
lost in a forest
standing in front of a tree

no i'm in a trailer park
and i can't see the road
because of the tin boxes
in front of me

 

08/07/10 11:08 PM

The other morning
deep in sleep
until my neighbor
pounded on the door
swung it open
telling me in
screaming fits
to grab what i can
the house is on fire next to me

i jump up tell bug
grab my purse
stand outside
shocked and dazed
emblazened
beside me

just waiting for
ours to begin to melt

my heart it wherever
the fire trucks were
at the moment

thinking we can't last much
longer
and we have no home insurance

the spray is applied
and a wave of relief

not even fire next to me
can make me change my ways

still a gambling addict
with access to the keno
while on shift
is a backdraft into my
finances

Fuck! I remember when it
began to take hold of me
when my mom would ask me
to the casino

and feed my twenties
to go play
and somewhere along the
way of playing for fun
not on my dime

the hooks sinked in
clawed their way to my soul
sometimes i just accept it
and say that's who i am

but if it's not who i want to
be
then pulling them out should be
easy

but it's the darkest addiction
i have ever had



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2010 11:10PM by erikamae77.

 

08/09/10 12:26 AM

you think your cooler than me
playing in my headphones
ya all think your cooler than me

or i'm too real
or you don't know how to respond
or maybe you just don't care

either way i'll make it through
plunge my way through darkness
with light from above

light from somewhere other than here
this place is dead with no interaction

just a place to lay my words down
and not care what you think

fuck you if you think your better than me
cooler than me
more word savvy than me

i don't give a fuck

 

08/09/10 12:32 AM

so today i swore up and down
i was quitting my job
of bartending with alcohol
on hand
not really a problem for me
but the gambling was easy accesible

though my sister laura lee
said please work for me
so i did

put five in the poker machine
hit a straight flush
of hearts

for 200

hear come the highs
fuck the lows

i'm a gambling
till i find something
else to interest me

worked
felt triumphed
compared to yesterday

did a little coke
and felt like being around
these ypsi snobs
i don't understand
how a town in such a funk
can still be so cliquey

but it is
just like this forum

clickety click click

but the bartender hugged me out the door
and people keep talking shit
about my brother

for being a wild asshole while in town
shit that's how i earned my thirty days
barred
by sticking up for him

but now he's in a good place
applaud all you want
the Blakemore curse is yet gone
but we carry on ,....

 

08/09/10 12:36 AM

I stand 5'4"
taller than most
no slouch
confidence exudes
my being

from my black headband
to my burgundy hair
with blunt bangs

on a round face
with black brown eyes

wearing a shoulder sleeveless
blouse
skinny leg jeans
and black flip flops

laughing
cussing
and being a tyrant
in a small world

i get my way
even if it's just an inch
if i want it you'll give it to me



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/19/2011 09:16PM by erikamae77.

 

08/09/10 12:50 AM

You want style
find it in a plastic bag
with a receipt
that you paid for it

you want class
get your ass out and earn it

you want friends
than do something for someone other than yourself

you want laughter
than laugh at yourself first

you want money
than give up your time , talent , or both

you want celebrity
than build yourself up on a pedestal
never to be understood

you want a perfect body
than starve yourself
and work out five times a day

you want real
you want real nasty raw real
than fucking be yourself
and drop the rest

 

08/09/10 12:52 AM

xxx dirty poem was here



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2010 09:23AM by erikamae77.

 

08/09/10 12:53 AM

I laughed outloud after the last one

sometimes shit is just too funny
but sex is something that shouldn't
be locked in a closet for adults

it should be shared and celebrated
if it so chooses you to feel that way

 

08/11/10 1:41 AM

People keep asking when my book
is coming out

i keep wondering to myself
when will I ever see Curtis

not in a bar
but with my thumbdrive

of a finished book
he's putting me on hold

this month this month
i tell myself

never to have the meeting take place
frustrating
and cool i've been

but i'll try to set up
a disappointing meeting time and day
again

already started my letter to
a literary agent in New York

running out of time in my mind
to keep it relevant

here's a prayer
for it to happen in August

 

08/11/10 1:48 AM

Cedar Point
loft bed
room cleaned

bowling
baseball

great grades
love of school

what i want for my son
what my son does
what he can achieve

that's what deeply matters to me

he's 10 now
10 years of grounding me
to this earth

not a suicide attempt in sight
since he entered the world

not a thought of leaving him
for any bullshit that can bring me down
usually of my own making

i'm here for Jimmy James
he's sensitive
smart intelligent
a little adult
raised far on the liberal side of the scale
instead of being sheltered

soon he'll be a man
eight years officially
so time is still precious

so yes Cedar Point we will go
loft bed i will make happen
as I keep his dreams coming true
and he keeps them within my means

nothing will stop me

 

08/15/10 1:06 AM

Saw John with the cowboy hat uptown
since i'm ousted in Depot town for now

his friend offered me a bud lite
then bought me one , two , three

poker player
serial killer
mercenary

but what impressed me the most
turned me on
was he was a military science instructor

he's looking for a fuck buddy
tells me the tale of taking home a stripper
just the other day

doesn't do much for romantic intention

but there was a cute guy in town
and he bought me round after round

from Texas

so I'm a good girl
don't go any further than talkin

to come home to
find my man's too tired
says he'd like to

BUT

the big but
that may have my ass
going elsewhere

am I really capable of having an affair
i'm too simple and honest
to have that going on
without a lover triangle

putting me in the triangle hold
breathing for air
as my man chokes me for
finding out i'm cheatin

could happen
ya never know

but i'm liking his attention



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2010 01:06AM by erikamae77.

 

09/06/10 10:44 AM

popcorn baths
swimming in his energy
his smile
warms my heart
the center of my being

wine
strawberry exchange
melba garlic toast
and cheese
asiago he says

then a day without
him at the stadium
shooting cannons

me nursing my hangover
sleeping

this nite wasn't
swimming in popcorn
on the basement floor

this wasn't me cuddling
for an hour or two

this was a nite of
fire and bicycles
shooting pool prelude to

him starting a fire with
Abby's cigarette butt

us carrying the fire into
the yard
by handles on the pit

to me breaking a chair
him breaking a glass
wine glass
just because i said i wanted

to do it

things are moving fast
sometimes time
compresses two individuals

were happy together
we laugh together
we kiss on the cheek

am I in love ?

I don't know but either way
it feels good.

Real Good.
And Bug will never
understand the life i feel
such a disparity
between our composite energies
and this new
friend.

 

09/06/10 11:09 AM

CEDAR POINT
First it was the wildcat
Iron Dragon
Maverick
Maverick again
Blue Streak
Gemini
Disaster Transport
my son took it one step further
and rode the Millenium force
as i spanked my ankles in the water
fountain
since my feet were hurting
smoking a cigarette under
the raptor in the
amusement lights

laughing over the apparatus
and my mini panic attacks
as i gripped on for
what i was afraid might
be my last

but it wasn't and the
fear was all but
unnecessary

or maybe it was to keep
my heart pumping

i fulfilled my motherly obligation
making one of Jimmy's desires
coming true

 

09/06/10 11:12 AM

I want to kiss you
I want to wake you up
but I don't
and I won't
until your ready

 

09/07/10 4:55 PM

he's moving on
and i don't feel like
being strong

our family circle is
breaking
falling apart
if i would of just stayed home more
if he wouldn't of sex-texted
if i wouldn't of went tit for tat

but all of the would of could of's
in this world

doesn't take me from where i am
having to explain to my son
soon that me n his dad
are over

ten years plus
i fought for our love
and the fight is gone
acceptance that he is no longer
the one for me

will i be able to fill the empty spaces
he leaves
will i be able to survive out here with no car
i'm gonna have to

 

09/07/10 4:54 PM

was yesterday just a fluke
or are we really becoming close
where we can't be away
from eachother

let's take out the alcohol
for a little bit
and see what happens..

 

09/17/10 8:11 PM

I'm in love
with an American Soldier
from his 3 mile runs
while I stay soft and round

I'm in love

you popped out of the sky
for me
don't you know
you landed in my backyard

my town
we were inseperable
for days

but when the party is over
and the wine is uncorked
the beer cans are empty

you hit serious mode
out of reach
damn fall came too soon

but we'll still have our moments
because when your ready to party
i'll be there
waiting for you to slip up and kiss
me on the lips again

 

09/17/10 8:15 PM

bout to be single
freedom blossoms from my heart
everything in place

 

09/19/10 5:00 PM

Was falling for you
keyword Was
why do men hold onto the
past

i really don't have much room
to talk
for my past behavior
involved pining over past loves

but i've reached a new start
a fresh heart
ready for the wide open

for my man to pack his bags
soon
i want to be alone
single

so i was falling in love
and he took back an ex
after a couple intense weekends
with me

i don't know how much i weighed on
his mind
but not enough for him to turn the
corner

i have a lot to give
i have a heart on my sleeve
that's full of ketchup stains

 

09/22/10 12:12 AM

You went from calling me love
to wildly driving me home
pissed off you found my bra in your
truck
blacked out to the sexual shenanigans
that took place

you are one grumpy fuck in the morning.

goes from fun party guy
to pissed off at the world

well me actually

then you invite your girlfriend from the past
to come stay at your house for the weekend

haven't seen you since
though you peeped into the VFW
but i wasn't there

i know what i need to do
take 100 steps back
no facebook interaction
no phonecalls

dammit Erika can you do that?

can you leave someone alone
the mighty lion in me
wants to stalk my prey
the Lioness wants her meal now

but if I could lay the fuck back
and play it cool
he like so many others
will love me

i'm not being arrogant
i'm telling the truth
i don't know many who get to know me
who don't

so kick back and love will grow
like New Edition says
right? and if it don't
maybe i'll be far enough back
that it won't hurt
when he doesn't return my affections

 

10/07/10 9:24 PM

Glimmer Of Hope

I went from thinking you were
blowing me off
to not to know what to think

driving past your house
on my way into town
i beeped when i saw your truck
getting ready to exit onto
the street

at the light you jumped
out of your truck
to talk to me
light turned green

so you pulled up beside me
and said meet me at the gas station

so i did
and we barely talked
but a little bit
about your leaving for New York
your dad is sick

right now?
yes right then

i think maybe he needed a hug
but i wasn't jumping out of the
car
with shorts on and stubble on my legs

so i took off

and an hour later
received a text
that things were looking
better for his dad

found out later
by asking around
he had sent that text out
not only to me

but i'm on his friend list
a glimmer of hope
a dope
for love i am.

 

10/07/10 9:29 PM

UTAH LOVE

I love two men at once

One is there for me
dependable
i didn't say faithful
but reliable
answers the phone
always calls me back
no games
i have his love
i take his money
we raise our son


then there is the one
who makes my blood curl
for more
just to look in his eyes
and i actually feel something

who i see his body , his face
and i want to dance with him
run with him ... well walk really

i love both in different ways
the fire in my heart for one
and the one who helps me contain
the water within

 

10/07/10 9:32 PM

Things he's done

Told me I have more beauty within than most of the women he's ever dated
Called me Love once as I dropped him off at his truck
Sang lyrics of a song saying your amazing to me
Danced with me we twirled around his pool table
Said with me No Worries

just a few things he's done
more than any man has done for me in ages

 

10/17/10 7:37 AM

Woke up to an empty bed
again
for the man i live with
read my poetry

the one i Try to love
not just dreams, feelings
Mr. Reality

REality has me running
elsewhere
Why ?
He can't give.

 
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