poems:by p.q.
 
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12/09/10 1:05 AM

ghostshot posted:
As I sit here
Looking at myself
Looking into myself
Watching the flames from the fireplace
I don't see any scar's

I watch the colors highlight from bright to shadow
Watch the smoke from my 4 A.M. cigarette drift past
It's form perfect with it's flow as I am consumed
I can't sleep
I don't see any scar's

Sitting on the hearth with my half naked soul
I turn
Watch the closed aluminum backgammon board
As it strobes with dancing flame
I think of my scar's

I don't see any
Not with my earthly plane eye's
I can see veins from my arm's
The ones I poisoned myself with chemical amusements
I see stitches that I had required
Arthritis that has set in,so long ago...
I SEE YOU

GOD DAMN IT
GOD DAMN ME
I DON'T SEE ANY SCAR'S

you...

Whichever one you are
As I lay awake,again
Lie down to force sleep
To force dream
Force my life
Scar's

When I am asked
I tell,as best I can
How things are going
How they have been alright
As I walk,awake,through life
I am
I don't see any scar's

Sleep,though
Try to sleep
That is where I pay my price
Price that I set for myself
My checks...balance
My self determination for assault
MY INNER EYE SCAR'S
I DON'T SEE ANY SCAR'S
HA...yeah

So where do I go
What do I do
I try,as best as I can,to put on a happy existence
I revel in the company of trusted friends
Do what I can to help another person
Always thank people when I have been shown a good turn
See,I don't have any scar's
I have loss
As we all do

Sitting
In the dark
Before the fire
Quiet
I don't see any scar's
Now...
Sleep...
Please



P.Q. 012510
#57

EDIT BY STYROVOR: Threads merged & title changed at ghostshot's request.


Intense! Your words cut deeply. I am enjoying them. =D

 

12/09/10 4:36 AM

N_,thank you...this,'I Don't See Any Scar's was written days after a close friend passed that we haven't seen for awhile.It was also when an old girlfriend that I hadn't talked with for 27 years,called,waking me up so I was off balance...my ghost from my past...

 

12/09/10 5:21 AM

Titletongue sticking out smileyroper Opponent:

Back Ground;
A play,of backgammon

The Out of Town Players;
Two of them
From out of town to do a job
These two carried secrets
One,maybe given to me
Shall I keep it
Shall I steal it

First Player;Hired Gun,
'Blackest Bart'
One not to be trifled with
Mean,when standing at the bar
Too long
Will not put up with
Any disparaging remark
Quick action dealt
Prefers Colt Army Action
For those who aren't wise

Second Player;Wicked Blade
'The Greek'
Younger of the two
But traveled,many miles,as some
Cold and silent
Watches,waits
Prefers sharp edges
Strikes,as a snake out of hiding
Knows where to place the hit
DO NOT,talk unkindly
Your tab will be filed
YOU WILL...pay later

Third Player;The Homesteader,
'Quack'
'Perquacky',actually
Over the years,Quack
Trying desperately to hold onto his land
Crops are down,year and a half now
Nothing to be had
No one wants his skills
No needs
Only a couple,deeds done,here and there
Was treated mighty fine
But how many drops
To fill a 55 gallon drum

The Scene;
Regular rules
The Greek,against Quack

Not much of a match
The younger doesn't have many pelts
But as said before
Cold and silent
Does make a proper opponent
Will cut you clean,with a knife
And have no expression about it,at all
You won't even see it done
That's just how he rolls

I've seen him fall
Made him fall
Fall hard
My tab is now on file

Opener;
Not much to do with
Wait and wait...and wait
To see what The Greek will do
Am I set up for a trap
To soon to see
Keep an eye to the landscape
It changes very quickly

Throw the bones
See what there is to see
I know what to do with that
Done
In the flick of an eye
Next

Continue On;
As I watch for mistakes
Keeping my eye
For knowing when to pounce
The Greek is a wily opponent
He moves as if a snake
And if I don't watch out
I will be pounced upon

Blackest Bart watches,by the side
I can see he's holding his tongue
So I poke him
In the side of the ribs
The cooled branding iron
I just used
Have to make sure I get his attention
I ask him
'Have you seen what your partner just did'
'He's gutted me as a prize bull elk'
'And you aren't going to say anything?'
Blackest Bart just nods
Over at The Greek
Blackest Bart knows
He has been gutted by us both

Down Towards the End;
I think I've stalled long enough
I think I've gained some time
Both down around the corners
Both fairly close running the end
If I can peel off
From higher to lower
In home
This maybe beat
For he has piled
Piled...so high
On higher points
He will pay
But just as usual
Almost seems on time
His roll of dice
As in the rolls in our life
The Greek
Always seems to win


P.Q. 120810
#68
P.S.Doubling cube in play

 

12/09/10 6:07 AM

Titletongue sticking out smileyroper Opponent;Number two

Back Ground;
A play,of acey-deucey

The Rules;
Don't need all in home
Before ranging out in the field
Some can stay in the well

Your one and your two
Must be taken first
Before anything else
If you can't take them
You lose them

Roll again,if you use them all
If you don't
Opponents roll
Two of the same
Must be used
To achieve another

All must be home
Before peeling off
Number doesn't need
To be exact

The Players:

The Greek;
Special talent
Brought in from out of town
Younger
But watches,waits

Quack;
Homesteader
Hiding out,The Greek and Blackest Bart
For they cannot be found,out
Played along time
Not many keep an interest
Too slow
Takes the fun out of it

The Scene;
Branded acey-deucey
The Greek against Quack

This will be along drawn out haul
How can anyone see a snake in the grass
How can anyone hear it's movement
Keeping a watchful eye
Being a full time job
To keep from being killed
Early in the game

Opener;
Win the fall
Famous,one and two
Seems the snake
Moves in dry grass
Have a start
Worthy of a win
Let's put some out there
See what The Greek will do
Next on my bones
Not so much
This beginning is going to drag

NO...GOD...NO
I'm crashed into the side
Boxcar's crashing
Wrecking my sight
Then two more piling on top
The luck The Greek rolls
Lucky rolls of his life
One and two
DAMN
My goose is cooked

Continue On;
O.K.
I've slowed the pace
I may have it handled
Playing each piece
As fitting a jigsaw
I feel a fighting chance
One little misstep
And The Greek will be slaughtered
If I can keep
My finger nail grip
This one maybe done
Just follow the terrain
Of this puzzled landscape
And hope that nothing happens

Damn...one of my die
Went into the drink
I know...my spell has broken
Shit
Murphy told me
I know it well
I'm exposed
With nothing I can do
As in life
Take your chance
Hope
That the opponent spell
Has worn off to
Guess I should have held that thought
For later

Down Towards the End;
Damn
I knew it
Knew it to my bones
Even saw the glimmer
Heard him
When he unsheathed his fangs
Snake eye's
That's all I see
Staring
As they puncture flesh
AH...god damn it
Why did this happen to me

Blackest Bart
You brought this here
You should feel this
Instead of me

Blackest Bart
Looks the scene over
Shaking his head
He's not playing to any side
Just nods his head
Flicks his smoke
Decides he's going to roll another one
Trying to look as neutral as he can
With startled look in his eye
Say's
'I told you man'


P.Q. 120810 A
#69
P.S.Doubling cube

 

12/11/10 6:52 AM

Title:Hit Me:

Quiet of the closed lounge
Glow of the video game
Four credits

Listening with twenty year old torch songs
Can't stand the video tune
Empty inside
Try filling with video solitaire
No one here
Peace but cold
Three credits

Can't think to play
Watching the fun waste away
Another song to fuel my torch
Play the game
Fun will be later
Hope no one hears me sing
If so
Get the words right
Two credits

Haven't gotten anywhere
Stuck beneath the top ten
Only one hundred thousand for the bonus
Can't even break that thin barrier
Where am I
Can't see past the video glare
Look at what I'm seeing
And have no clue
One credit

Smoke to many smokes
Games from a hard wooden chair
More comfort then the hotel's room
No window to look out of
Just the screen of flashing light
If there was a view
Can't see it from inside out
Damn,it's done
Insert coin

Now the time for me to break
The game is silent and still
For me to do what I want to do
Not being rushed or forced by the game
Light a smoke
Change the song
Move the chair
Check the volume of the headset
Make sure this is what I want to hear
Oh my god
Better empty the ashtray
Don't want a fire during my best game
Four credits

Time has started
I wasn't ready
Pushed the wrong button
Have to continue on
But that's what it's about
Being rushed to beat the game
Oh well,it's only time
The killing of which,killing me
Three credits

So that one a waste
Let's try it again
The goal of being in the top ten
Only a name for no one else
A pride to be erased once again
The deep song playing to my head
To cut a hole to the bottom of my soul
Can't play with tears in my eye
Loving it
Hating it
All at the same time
Missed that play
Two credits

The seeds I've planted
In an earlier time
Never grew to anything big
Nothing I'd want to show to anyone
Except to write to make me feel
Pushing the pen,hard and deep
Hoping to dig into the earth to plant again
Try watering without salted tear
Light a smoke
Smoke a song
And think of where I am at
The glare hurts
Can't turn it down
It feeds while I weep
One credit

Last chance to make a mark
If I do it won't stand
After I'm gone,someone else
To play this game as a song
Erase my name from the top ten
As if I was never here
While everyone else was asleep
Which I can't seem to do
I played with my past history
Nothing solved
Nothing gained
Played with decades to old torch songs

From looking back far to long
Got lost and decided to stay
These shot eye's I have to see
The soul with holes made from me
The closed quiet lounge
All to myself
The way my life has seemed to be
God I wish I had a cup of coffee
You see the game is over
Insert coin
Please


P.Q. 062405
#24

 

12/11/10 7:27 AM

Title:Just My Dog Days:


Haven't turned a wheel in along time
Living off pennies
Always have
No difference now as then
Except that they count now
Spend everything
Including myself
But nothings there to place value on
Bury deeper with four walls
Sunshine with no meaning anymore
Don't care if cold or warm
Not going to be able to have control
Control needed for staying afloat

Get surprised once in a while
Just a drop in the proverbial bucket
55 gallon bucket now
With rusted bottom
Rusted with heart and soul
Rusted by my heart and soul
Isolation to draw my line straight
Seems straight to the end

Looking at the reflection in the window
I,the mess that is me
Darkened window from dark outside
Looking back
Dark inside
SHATTER THE REFLECTING WINDOW
TAKE THE TYPEWRITER AND SHATTER THE LOOKING GLASS
Darkness would pour in
No stopping it
No helping it
Darkness helps it's self

Hear my life rolling by
Not wanted nor needed
Time to move on?
Good question
Drift in the mortal flow till beached
Stranded
Left high and dry
Funny,how the years pile on all at once
Running along as if nothing happens
Then tripped within a moment
To fall in all those years of broken mirrored glass
Each tiny reflective shard
Sharp
Straight into the soul's eye

Where could I have taken a different turn
Where to have gone instead of stayed
All those regrets
Those sorrows
All that each carries
In life or until death

If I didn't have domestic and exotic lives to care for
I'd fill the tank and drive until it ran out
Fuel or soul whichever went first
Sweep parking lots to fill again
A few more miles to the road
Until dry and sweep again

Driving along...alone
Listening to engine and road
Free
Finally at last
Digging up the past to air out in the wind
Using pavement wide open and mine
Running to catch up
Running away
To be free of the past
Sure
It sits next to me

I know I've passed you on the open lonely two lane road
Was keeping my eye further on down
Waiting to see where I was going to be
Probably wouldn't have mattered if we had seen each other
But,I have seen you
In the sunset
Sunrise
In the dark night
Starred sky
Saw you from snow capped mountains

You had to leave
I had to let you
Wouldn't know each other to look at now
A piece of me does know
If to see you again,today
I would know
With all the years that I've had to see
Seeing you would bring me to open
To see me


P.Q. 070105
#26

 

12/14/10 3:40 PM

Title:My Rain:


Why is it
Every drop of rain
My way
Is dirt turned into mud
Pours down on me
Striking inside and out
Never,to remove the stain
Wash my soul with to many drinks
Try burning with so much smoke
I sit
I'm waiting
Watching the sky
Waiting for a cold slow rain
Thick,sticky mud
To smear on the inside
Soothe my soul with cold wet dirt
Something for smothering the burning flame
Burns hot with years of deadwood
Any spark from inside my heart
Torches this soul
Igniting with nothing left
It's burnt dark holes

The rain
My way
Droplet for the endless pit
Makes me look back
At what was
Buried deep with all the facts
Those old bones that rattle
At the bottom of my soul
Ghost's always trying to get free
Can't let those sneaky bastards go floating around
Makes me turn
Turn to see
Stand face to face
Stare into me
Showing,what I am to be
Thoughts of my demons
Rising up
Coming to claim me
Running,hiding for way to long
Fast,running out of road

The rain
My rain
My flood of dirt and debris
Where is my thunder storm to wash me away
Travel further down stream
Beached upon some rocky shore
Left,to be picked over by birds
My soul for them to entirely consume
For this was done such along time ago
Have forgotten why this came about
It doesn't matter
It's from so far back
Been seeing with borrowed time
Not enough spent forward as back
Seem to walk in a circle
Going round and round
So long now won't stop
This rut I've made
Made an old friend

My rain
My way
My own sinking in my mud
Make my fun however I can
Spinning my wheels to make the mud fly
To wrap my soul with cold wet earth
Cover all,to keep them inside
The ghost's
The skeleton's
My love's,inside
Keep them locked away
Kept in the dark
The trick is right there
Keep them hidden away
When your life lives in the dark
Maybe,one day
Someone will come along
Take the time to wash them from me
I don't know
Life has always been in the dark
Less chance of being spotted
Drawn out into the light
Asked of things I don't know
Live around on the outside
Never to be wounded again
Old soul has nothing left
Can't stand another hit
Bide my time
Build a frame of mind
Luck,to keep one piece

Hell,I don't know what I'm talking about
Only wanted to play in the mud
Slipping and flying my demons away
Then park back in my drive
When I'm done
Let the rain wash the mud
The next day when I leave
Back out of my drive
Drive over hard piles of mud
Turn away and smile
Yesterday was a good day
The rain
My way
Driving away


P.Q. 080505
#32

 

12/14/10 4:13 PM

Title:Ran Dry:



041705 Waters flow
As my life
How I've lived
Starting clear
Crystal clean
Picking up what's in my path
Slow moving with gravities pull
Gathering little pieces along the way
Spirit dirtied
Soul drifting with baggage carried
Fast moving of more water
Gaining mass with more debris

051305 Was there
I saw it
Felt it
Warm desert heat
Felt the sun burning
Was there only a second
Then it was gone
My waters run colder

061105 No summer this year
Middle of June
Still snows
Freezing cold I carry around
Will not go away
Middle of June
Furnace is still on

070205 Desert wind
With airborne sands
Dust from ancient times
Cutting and scoring all in it's path
From before
Till the ending of time
Within one summer's turning
Hot dusting sands
Taking mountain to mud hill
Then turning to the sea
Little is left in the passing of time
Time,in sand that runs out for me

070305 That blue in the sky
Color,before dark summer night
Before the sun decides to rise
Different from the time the sun is gone
Until my favorite darkness of night
Comes to cover me

080605 Dry to the bone
Bone,in this desert
Desert I live
Call it a desert
Nothing grows
So barren that nothing shows
With the sun,to see
The curve of the earth
With the night,to the stars
Reach out to touch
With moon so full
Gives darkness it's light

080605 Sleep
A Forbidden dream
Maybe asleep now
Maybe died in that roll over crash
Died with that one more drink
Stood to fast
Fell,shaking
Asleep ever since
Floating in the after life
Dreaming a dream that's never been
Feels to be a dream

081405 To this day
Standing
As yesterday
Alone
In an ancient inland sea
Drowning
Under old waters
Flooded by corporate machines
All of them wanting
Their tide of paper,green
Chained to a cinder block
Feet cast in cement
Pitched over the side
Another soul
Never to rise
Raze toward the sun
To bring ends to mean
Tying loose ends
Losing,to the bitter end

081905 My waters
Dirtied
Mired to the deep end
Soul buried within ancient mud
To be found when waters recede
Remove tangled deadwood
My soul to be drifting
When the rain brings water,again



P.Q. 081905
#34

 

12/15/10 10:21 AM

excellent as always smiling smiley
so moving

 

12/15/10 3:24 PM

arwencat8 posted:
excellent as always smiling smiley
so moving

Thank you!Always good to hear,I appreciate your comments.

 

12/16/10 7:08 AM

Bits and pieces...of me
Not much use to you
Hell
And there is hell
They aren't much use to me
Experience of life
From significant emotional events
Of love,lovers
That have taken their bites
Out of me

Have left me to walk
Among the living
A specter
Shadow,of what I use to be
Of what
I was meant to be
A complete self being

Am I complete
Is there a refusal
To look and see
What's left...of me

For me
NO
Don't care
Had my chance
Played my cards
Had what was offered
And threw it away
Whatever,'it' was
Thrown away chances
Be happy,free

Well
Maybe happiness
Freedom,just a word
A word that I played with
Word that I pretended
Only thing free
Of me
My spirit
With tattered feathers
Soul of Swiss cheese
Small patch of heart
No one has stepped on
That is what I offer
To you

I remember
Your look you had for me
Smile you would give
Warmth
That you shared

Remember time
When we laughed together
Held hands forever
Shared our hearts

How we danced
Within each others eye's
Sigh,with afterglow
Remember,painfully,how it was
Before we met

You would shine
With your smile
After we caught sight
Of each other
Anticipating embrace
Remembering,to often

Dangerous,maybe
It is for me
Emotions,deep
Still
No amount of time
Or any distance
To bridge the gap
Don't feel obligated
To keep anything,I've given you
Appreciate you returning
Anything,or all
That you don't keep
Pleasure speaking with you
Hear your voice

Pain?
...no...
Sorrow?
Regret?
...no...
Lost innocence?
Guilt?
...no...emptiness...

Rip ones heart out
And hold it up to see
After claiming undying love
To cut open the soul
After revealing ones self
For love that was never to end
Twist me until broken
As a toy,played,then discarded

It's gone
Nothing left
Heart has bled dry
My heart,bled dry
For something to come from my heart
Something,first,needs to be there

It's gone
Nothing there
Soul has ran dry
My soul
That won't be there
When I die


P.Q. 121610
#70

 

12/16/10 7:22 AM

Who here can't say
They haven't had dreams,like that
Who of you,now,can't say
Never to have dreaming,like that
I know,I know
Who isn't dreaming like that now

You have said
You don't dream when you sleep
You don't remember any dreams
Your sleep that comes like clockwork
How I envy you

Envy you
Your sleep
But not without dreams
I dream
But never any sleep
Sleep is my dream
Awake or asleep

You do dream
I've heard them
As you sleep
As I hold you
I hear your dreams
As you breathe
Your sleep
My dreams

Why is sleep so difficult
Tired,but can't rest
Eye's burn
But won't close
Mind stalled
Won't unfold
Heart frozen
How to make it thaw...

That's it
I'm done
Time to turn in
To toss and turn
Until the sun creeps in


P.Q. 121610A
#71

 

12/21/10 5:53 AM

Title:Hurry Up and Wait:


Not so quick,anymore
Body wants to question
What use to be rote

Fingers swollen
Stiff,stubborn when cold
Knees giving up the ghost
At any moment
From over a decade
Of tile setting
Sciatic nerve
Reminding,not 40 anymore

Not so quick
Mind slowed
Slow to readjust

Sarcastic wit
Once so sharp
Falls by the wayside
In missed opportunities
Thoughts grind to in gauge
For hot water conversations
Becoming muddled and mute
Becoming rotting humble pie

Doesn't quicken,anymore
Body requiring attention
To recover from what use to be minor

Heart that can't keep pace
Literally,figuratively
How it has become a cinder
Turning to ash at the slightest touch
Soul that turns,against
As years pile weight from within
For when I should have stepped up
And stepped out instead

Doesn't quicken
Mind lapses into moments of despair
When asked of the simplest things

How I turn back to my past
To look within myself
Thinking...is that how it happened
Thoughts of where I've placed
Life I've made,how does it compare
To how it could have played different
I think of situations
Did I even have the chance
To make a difference
Why have I allowed
Old,to darken my mind's eye
Allowed poor sight
Poor judgment
To rule till the end of mortal days
Years run fast
When grabbing for the straw
The last straw
For making my bed


P.Q. 122110
#72

 

12/21/10 6:05 AM

Title:Mine:


Towering desert mountains
Great Basin Desert
Mountains that touch the clouds
Old friends greet

Sitting on the tailgate of my derelict
Within the sun
In the air
Old allies

My soul starts to turn
Of past and of regret
The mountain tries to draw me out
Old ghost kinship

Soaring birds of prey
Look down upon me
Looking at me as a meal,to feed them
Old heart and soul

Watch fields of wheat grass
Moving in time
With sun,wind
Old times eat at me

Pines whisper to me
Pining me,whispers
The mountain draws on my soul
Old oblivion

Aspens singing with the wind
Tone for setting a stage
Hear their song within me
Old to my bones

Skeletal,centennial pine
Marks the void that I own
It's silence opens my soul
To be seen,forever,in my dreams
That now
Are old and cold


P.Q. 031610
#59

 

12/27/10 7:25 AM

Title:2HHEHE-25 23:30

Hear it
As it moves across the pines
The pines that are alive
The ones that are dead
I hear it

Feel it
As it moves across my face
Almost protected enough
Always not enough
I feel it

Feel it's silence
As it calls
Feel it strong
As it is
I feel it cut

It cuts
Straight to my heart
As an arrow
Sword
Pen

Cuts
Straight to the bone
Have always felt it
In my bones
I don't know why

As to my soul
I know it well
It's song for many years
My vane attempt
To shut it out
The soul allows it in
All I can do is watch
Hope
It doesn't do me in
But I wait for it
Sometimes see it
Before it reaches me
Knowing there is nothing that I can do
Knowing that I need it
How it will whisper
How it tells
Sings for me
Not knowing why
And reaching a point
Of not caring

My heart
Soul
Deep in my bones
It's time has come
For reading it's signs
And allowing it
It's story

Hot,desert winds
Making my dust devil

Cold,bitter winter
Making me adrift

No matter what time of year
Telling me
What I have inside
As changing the landscape
Of what I hide
Inside


P.Q. 122710
#73

 

12/27/10 7:44 AM

Title:Faced Mirror:

Bits and pieces
That's all I have
Can't give what I can't feel
Allowed myself to be torn away
Didn't know I needed something
Looking through my index of ghost's
One day to line them in order

Feel old
Can't move
Smoke to much
Feel blind
Can't see
Seen to much
Try to laugh
Can hardly smile
Can't look into my eye's
Scenes reflect back from me
Can't compere to what's been seen
Your life
My life
Others who are here
Few can relate
Their lives few can share
Here I stand
Bits and pieces
None that fit with the others
Can only give what's been left over

Sun rises
With still full moon
Think back of how I've gone wrong
Think of you even to this day
Wondering will it ever stop
Light another cigarette
Smoke the dream
Eat my regrets
Sitting in the dark
When it's light outside
Wishing to be free as a bird
Luck,to fly into closed window
Lay on the ground with broken neck
Watching the cats creep up on me
Stare into empty dark souls
Not knowing their eye's are reflections
Is there no kind soul
No one to pick me up
Laying in the dirt
Broken neck
Broken heart
Bits and pieces
The dirt
And me


P.Q. 062405
#23

 

12/27/10 4:13 PM

i like faced mirror..it resonated for me.

"feel blind
can't see
seen too much" i liked especially

early plight..

what to cure
the eyes
the ears
something of flower that gives.

 

12/27/10 6:29 PM

anew posted:
i like faced mirror..it resonated for me.

"feel blind
can't see
seen too much" i liked especially

early plight..

what to cure
the eyes
the ears
something of flower that gives.

Thank you!2005 was an odd year for me...I guess you could call it the good the bad and the ugly.

 

12/29/10 11:50 PM

ghostshot posted:

Is there no kind soul
No one to pick me up
Laying in the dirt
Broken neck
Broken heart
Bits and pieces
The dirt
And me


wow! really liked whole piece but these last lines describe late'05 very well for me. A time of watching 'cats creep up on me' & wishing they could as least be quick about it.
Well done.

 

12/30/10 12:09 AM

Mattieu posted:
ghostshot posted:

Is there no kind soul
No one to pick me up
Laying in the dirt
Broken neck
Broken heart
Bits and pieces
The dirt
And me


wow! really liked whole piece but these last lines describe late'05 very well for me. A time of watching 'cats creep up on me' & wishing they could as least be quick about it.
Well done.

Thank you,I appreciate your comments.And yes,sometimes the waiting for the inevitable is more torture then the final end!

 

12/31/10 2:12 PM

If this one doesn't come from the gut...I don't know what will...


Title:Not Again:

Why do I allow myself
To still feel
About you
Why hasn't all this time,space
Allowed me to let go
Hanging onto something
That once was
Never to be again
I can't stop my feelings
Of you

All this time
That I've been slowly killing myself
In more ways then one
On the inside
WHY...WHY...
Why do I still hold on
To you

Is there some hope that one day
That I might be yours
You might be mine
Can't I see that it will never happen
My chance burned up
Along time ago
What is it
That refuses to give in
Refuses to give up
And how I gave up,myself
So long ago
For you

How I wish
We had not found each other,again
How I wish
You had stayed some faint remembrance
Some over polished mirror
That I look into
To see something once with me
Something of me
Something...I'll never see,again
Because of you

If I could trade
Our time together
If I could have it back
Our time we spent
If I had known
My price to pay
Would I give it back
Of you

Would there be something less of me
Something more
Could I continue on blindly
Never knowing of you
Would I be able
To have lived haply ever after
Would I even know the difference
About you

I should know
I wasn't equipped for you
Was not attuned to your desires
For someone like me
Raised one day at a time
I had no sight
For way down the road
Roads I've been on
My entire life
Over you

Made myself a wreck
To what
Stand before you,someday
And say what
Look what you've done
As if you'd care
I see it now
Shaking your head
As you turn away
Thinking,how could someone
Allow that to happen,to their self
I guess
If you have never loved
You never feel the loss
Pity you


P.Q. 123110
#74

 

12/31/10 2:24 PM

Gray
It's all gray
The smoke
The air
My life
Gray
Light shining through
Gray
Clouds write my pen with gray ink
Giving gray rain
Falling to make gray earth
My blood
My sight
My life
Gray
The cast of mountains
Coming from fog
Not purple
Gray
Looking through glass
With inner soul
To see one color

Black
It's all black
The smoke
The air
My life
Black
Star shine in the night
Eye's burning holes into my gray soul
Leaving black spots
The only color
Shadows and shimmering crows
The inside of my life
Looking through glass
Hoping for inner soul
Seeing only one color

White
It's all white
The smoke
The air
My life
White
A shade drawn down
By the blizzards storm
Nights fog with only lamps for color
Cold bitter day
With no sun for warmth
The only color
The spot on your soul


P.Q. 111704

 

01/12/11 4:57 PM

ghostshot posted:
If this one doesn't come from the gut...I don't know what will...


Title:Not Again:

Why do I allow myself
To still feel
About you
Why hasn't all this time,space
Allowed me to let go
Hanging onto something
That once was
Never to be again
I can't stop my feelings
Of you

All this time
That I've been slowly killing myself
In more ways then one
On the inside
WHY...WHY...
Why do I still hold on
To you

Is there some hope that one day
That I might be yours
You might be mine
Can't I see that it will never happen
My chance burned up
Along time ago
What is it
That refuses to give in
Refuses to give up
And how I gave up,myself
So long ago
For you

How I wish
We had not found each other,again
How I wish
You had stayed some faint remembrance
Some over polished mirror
That I look into
To see something once with me
Something of me
Something...I'll never see,again
Because of you

If I could trade
Our time together
If I could have it back
Our time we spent
If I had known
My price to pay
Would I give it back
Of you

Would there be something less of me
Something more
Could I continue on blindly
Never knowing of you
Would I be able
To have lived haply ever after
Would I even know the difference
About you

I should know
I wasn't equipped for you
Was not attuned to your desires
For someone like me
Raised one day at a time
I had no sight
For way down the road
Roads I've been on
My entire life
Over you

Made myself a wreck
To what
Stand before you,someday
And say what
Look what you've done
As if you'd care
I see it now
Shaking your head
As you turn away
Thinking,how could someone
Allow that to happen,to their self
I guess
If you have never loved
You never feel the loss
Pity you


P.Q. 123110
#74
So much to relate to here...excellent work mate.

 

01/12/11 5:57 PM

Mattieu posted:
ghostshot posted:
If this one doesn't come from the gut...I don't know what will...


Title:Not Again:

Why do I allow myself
To still feel
About you
Why hasn't all this time,space
Allowed me to let go
Hanging onto something
That once was
Never to be again
I can't stop my feelings
Of you

All this time
That I've been slowly killing myself
In more ways then one
On the inside
WHY...WHY...
Why do I still hold on
To you

Is there some hope that one day
That I might be yours
You might be mine
Can't I see that it will never happen
My chance burned up
Along time ago
What is it
That refuses to give in
Refuses to give up
And how I gave up,myself
So long ago
For you

How I wish
We had not found each other,again
How I wish
You had stayed some faint remembrance
Some over polished mirror
That I look into
To see something once with me
Something of me
Something...I'll never see,again
Because of you

If I could trade
Our time together
If I could have it back
Our time we spent
If I had known
My price to pay
Would I give it back
Of you

Would there be something less of me
Something more
Could I continue on blindly
Never knowing of you
Would I be able
To have lived haply ever after
Would I even know the difference
About you

I should know
I wasn't equipped for you
Was not attuned to your desires
For someone like me
Raised one day at a time
I had no sight
For way down the road
Roads I've been on
My entire life
Over you

Made myself a wreck
To what
Stand before you,someday
And say what
Look what you've done
As if you'd care
I see it now
Shaking your head
As you turn away
Thinking,how could someone
Allow that to happen,to their self
I guess
If you have never loved
You never feel the loss
Pity you


P.Q. 123110
#74
So much to relate to here...excellent work mate.

Thank you...and I'm sorry...if you have lived these words.Damn that Facebook,if someone close to me had not set up an account on FB for me...these words would never have came about and ring true for me.

 

01/12/11 6:36 PM

ghostshot posted:
Thank you...and I'm sorry...if you have lived these words.Damn that Facebook,if someone close to me had not set up an account on FB for me...these words would never have came about and ring true for me.
No worries. It's a very hard thing, to realise someone you've cared for doesn't care for, or about, you in return. My experience with F.book very different; after '05 divorce/chaotic years of travel etc, I ended up losing contact with everyone. Re-connected with quite a few after checking out F.book in dec '09, so it's been a good thing for me. Though my ex occasionaly sends guilt trip messages to me on it-she's 'blocked' but uses other peoples accounts-

 

01/12/11 8:16 PM

Mattieu posted:
ghostshot posted:
Thank you...and I'm sorry...if you have lived these words.Damn that Facebook,if someone close to me had not set up an account on FB for me...these words would never have came about and ring true for me.
No worries. It's a very hard thing, to realise someone you've cared for doesn't care for, or about, you in return. My experience with F.book very different; after '05 divorce/chaotic years of travel etc, I ended up losing contact with everyone. Re-connected with quite a few after checking out F.book in dec '09, so it's been a good thing for me. Though my ex occasionaly sends guilt trip messages to me on it-she's 'blocked' but uses other peoples accounts-

In 2005 my wife and I separated,her choice,after 17 years of marriage.So many emotions that a person tries to bury away,for many years,that are revealed when you are at your lowest point.Have to let them out somehow and for me it's the pen. For others to relate,understand,helps in keeping some piece of mind and peace in heart.

Facebook has it's ups and downs,I've got people with my same last name in two other countries that may or may not be relatives.But I don't speak French or Italian so who knows.

 

01/12/11 11:22 PM

ghostshot posted:
In 2005 my wife and I separated,her choice,after 17 years of marriage.So many emotions that a person tries to bury away,for many years,that are revealed when you are at your lowest point.Have to let them out somehow and for me it's the pen. For others to relate,understand,helps in keeping some piece of mind and peace in heart.
17years! I'm sorry to hear that mate. I was married for just over 15years, the end wasn't entirely un-expected but the vicious & deceitful way she went about things definitely was! Agree that it helps alot to have others understand and relate. Seems '05 was a bad year for both of us.
Be well. Mattieu.

 

01/13/11 2:16 AM

Mattieu posted:
ghostshot posted:
In 2005 my wife and I separated,her choice,after 17 years of marriage.So many emotions that a person tries to bury away,for many years,that are revealed when you are at your lowest point.Have to let them out somehow and for me it's the pen. For others to relate,understand,helps in keeping some piece of mind and peace in heart.
17years! I'm sorry to hear that mate. I was married for just over 15years, the end wasn't entirely un-expected but the vicious & deceitful way she went about things definitely was! Agree that it helps alot to have others understand and relate. Seems '05 was a bad year for both of us.
Be well. Mattieu.

Over 15 years is a bit of time as well and we don't think about it until it's gone! What a person could have done...different...how the weight of that time becomes heavier as more years go by.Am I better off now,are you?I didn't realize how bad the relationship was until after she was gone,makes me wonder why I stayed in it as long as I had.

2005 was a messed up year for me in more then one way,now 6 years later it almost seems like a life time away.Yet there are times in my past that seem to me to have been yesterday,the question of how to cure what has ached for so long.

 

01/13/11 2:48 AM

Whatever:

Kitchen table
Nothing on it
Some writings
An ashtray
A dictionary
Can't spell worth a shit
Not very good at most anything I do

There have been a few things
Where I'm able to shine
Never lasted
Never able to make dime
Spent more then just money
With no hope for repay
Things lost forever
Will never be regained
Never to touch your face
Without being in a frame

Looking backwards,longing
Wondering,will we meet again
Have trouble sleeping
Begin dreaming
Meeting you
Being old and just friends

We met to young
Not knowing what each others about
Wanted to explore the world
Without the other hanging around
Had to be so much more
More then one was feeling
While the other walked out

Knew you where older
Older for your years
Way past me
Friends had made that clear
Was to busy watching you
As I look back
Hypnotized,with you near
Now all these years
Torn
Torn the day you said goodbye
Torn until my last breath

I know
Just get over it
Poor excuse for a soul
I know
Have in some certain ways
Have not in some
This heart with it's missing piece
Almost beats everyday

Kitchen table
Somethings on it
Can't see or touch it
Rotted out old soul
In a full coffee cup
An ashtray filled with regret
Drifting back far to much
Looking for the place to turn away
Sliding back even further
With self pity
Not allowed to drain
Need to empty this sink
Clear this fog I travel in
One of my biggest ghosts
Holds your picture
Within it's frame

Best thing I can think about
A piece of you missing too
Hate to think I've carried this torch
For someone who forgot me the next day
And maybe with time
You had forgot
As your life moved rapidly along
So it might be true
For me as well
With time I'll find a place
Where I write my sunrise song
Instead of singing the setting end

But before you pass judgment
Calling me bitter and cold
Keep in mind
Our time
Was time equal to none
Maybe that is what I'm missing
The time
Not the love that was with you
Your love
My love
Was able to be let free
The love will always be there,hon
Can't miss what I have

So this pitiful song that has been written
For all the women who have crossed my path
One day
To burn your ghost
For the one
That joins our paths


P.Q. 073005
#30

 

01/13/11 4:53 AM

ghostshot posted:
Over 15 years is a bit of time as well and we don't think about it until it's gone! What a person could have done...different...how the weight of that time becomes heavier as more years go by.Am I better off now,are you?I didn't realize how bad the relationship was until after she was gone,makes me wonder why I stayed in it as long as I had.

2005 was a messed up year for me in more then one way,now 6 years later it almost seems like a life time away.Yet there are times in my past that seem to me to have been yesterday,the question of how to cure what has ached for so long.
yeah, it's often in retrospect that the time weighs most heavily. Like a corpse on yr back. Young enough, I'd just turned 21, that we grew up, grew apart, took different paths in life...chained together by promises, memorys and the idea that quitting now would negate years of together. This is how decades pass. I'm quite lucky she messed me over so bad...I had no choice, had to move on, to seek life elsewhere. Each step forward's a victory.
All the best mate.

 
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