I'm curious if anybody has had a chance to read my short story, and if so, what did you think? I'm looking for honest feedback. I want to write a novel, and if this style of writing is fun/acceptable to read, I'd like to know. thanks.

Your link just went to the site, the story is nowhere to be found on the updated main page. Most people still won't download that. Why not post it here in chapters or whatever per post.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2012 05:29PM by pieceofnothing.

Quietus Questions

“Suicide.” Ivan let the word escape his mouth as if he were saying it aloud for the first time. His tongue and lips contorting, holding each syllable as if every letter had a unique meaning. He was staring at Sebastian, hoping for any type of retaliation to his one word sentence. Nearly five minutes passed without either of them saying anything. Neither of them had to explain to whom the word was in reference. After twenty or more clicks on the retractable thumb plunger, Sebastian mindlessly read the side of the pen he was holding “ultra fine point permanent marker”. He was hoping this boring observation would change the subject, even if the new subject was on ink pen preference or the cost of cheap pens, anything but suicide. Sebastian’s sideways glance revealed Ivan deep in thought, obviously not even noticing his vain attempt at changing the conversation topic. Resting his left hand on his face that connected to his elbow resting on the standard sized manila folder containing the coroner report. The file was bulging with official documents and news paper clippings both original and photocopied. Pages were protruding from being forced into a folder designed to only contain a few 8×10 pieces of paper. The two of them had assembled hand drafted hypothesis, guesswork, opinion, speculation, presumption. They were lacking evidence and facts. Sebastian cleared his throat, “Maybe we should give it a rest? At least until”. Ivan cut his proposition short with a loud snort, then a frustrated sigh. Only a few seconds of silence passed. “Sure, what were you going to say?” Sebastian continued talking slowly and calm, as to not increase the already present tension. “All I was suggesting was that we do a little more research and maybe continue this over coffee tomorrow?” Ivan relinquished the bloated folder from beneath Sebastian’s elbow, making Sebastian take quick evasive maneuvers as to not let his tired head collapse on the desk. Avoiding cranium collision followed a dexterous movement, Sebastian extended his arm to check his wrist watch for the time. Tapping the acrylic face of his watch Sebastian stated “It’s almost 4am, as agreed we’ll continue this tomorrow.”

Synthetic Prophetic Kinetic

No song birds singing, no sun shining. Sebastian had slept through all the daylight hours. His two computer LCD monitors were projecting plenty of synthetic light. Laying on his bed was an uncapped empty prescription bottle and an insistently blinking cellphone attempting to notify him of his slothfulness. Sebastian attempting to wake himself started narrating. “I didn’t need the sun today anyway.. but I do need some caffeine.” Finishing his thoughts with a yawn. He grabbed his phone, looking at the display screen it listed one missed call and one voice mail. Sebastian wiping sleep from his eyes puts the phone to his still groggy head. The automated monotone robotic voice explaining his options to listen to the recorded message almost put Sebastian back to sleep. Suddenly a very excited voice started projecting into his ear ten decimals too high. “Sebastian, wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Rolling his eyes Sebastian knew it was Ivan and he obviously was either pissed about missing our opportunity to seize the day or annoyed about something I wasn’t able to do while sleeping. “Sebastian, I’m not an idiot. I know you’re asleep and it’s pointless for me to tell you to wake up in a message you wont get until you actually do wake up, but I have big, no-no, huge news!” Hearing this Sebastian felt more awake than any energy drink could provide. Ivan continued “I actually found somebody who knew our brother. A friend of his to be exact. He agreed to meet with us and explain his final impressions on the last few days of them being together. He was with our brother the day before he died.” The message ended, and the robotic voice started inquiring about options for saving the recorded content. Sebastian disconnected the call and started gathering the necessary items for travel including a handful of Vicodin. Less than ten minutes passed before Sebastian strapped into his Acura NSX Type-R pressing the gas pedal.

Ivan couldn’t wait all day for Sebastian to answer his message, he had to proceed…






3

Revelations, Revelations, Revelations

The 18? x 24? sign glowed blue from the xenon headlights making it easily readable, neon soaked digits a two and five. Sebastian had been in a great rush to meet Ivan but now he sat like a stone in the driver seat of his car. He was trying to formulate a valid excuse for his absence and lack of his own research. His cigarette smoke departed through the sun roof and thumping bass lines escaped through the trunk. Maybe Ivan would be so impressed with his own discovery that he wouldn’t even question his lacking motivation. A sudden knocking against glass just inches away from Sebastian’s head brought him back into reality. “When you park in front of my house, would you at least have the respect to turn down your music?” Ivan bending down talking into the driver’s window. “I don’t know why you have to listen to Nine Inch Nails so loud, I’ve heard them before and they don’t have the merit for permanent ear damage.” With his lecture finished he lifted the car door handle allowing Sebastian to vacate the vehicle. Sebastian started verbally fumbling excuses why he hadn’t been available all day. Ivan dismissed his apologies while walking him into his house, greeted with the aroma of Earl Grey being steeped. Sebastian took his favorite seat the Eames lounge and ottoman. Stretching his arms above his head and displaying a satisfied grin he stated “This is the way to relax.” Ivan giving him a snide glance replied “Yes, I do prefer my furniture inside my home, where as you seem to enjoy being inside your little sport car more than your own bed.” Ivan placed two Lenox fine bone tea cups and saucers on the table, silently suggesting Sebastian resituate to the table for a serious conversation. Ivan told his story about meeting their older brothers schoolmate and supposed friend. Ivan talked for almost thirty minutes without leaving any opening for disputes. He explained everything in great detail leaving Sebastian in awe, brow furrowed and jaw dropped. Their tea had become cold but neither of them even noticed because the story had confirmed many of their malevolent suspicions. While Ivan paused to taste the now bitter liquid, Sebastian used this moment to say what they had both thought for years but never said until now. “Murder!”




6

Turmoil Then Tribulations

The unique rhyme of crystal Baccarat Vega being juggled was a siren song to Sebastian’s ears. Peeling his face from the table his eyes fixed on the frosted glass bottle of Belvedere vodka Ivan had purposely placed only a few centimeters from his resting head. Without hesitation Sebastian haphazardly spilled the alcohol into his tumbler, onto his left hand, and even the freshly waxed table. Ivan’s voice already disenchanted with the present situation. “Why even bother trying to pour it into a glass?” Sebastian didn’t even notice the remark with amount of enkindle his throat was enduring from the vodka. Raising the bottle from the tabletop Sebastian started to move the nozzle into Ivan’s glass when a quick hand covered the opening. “Before a celebratory drink, I would prefer to finish my clarification of our misadventure.” Ivan started to arrange particular papers from the folder. He started pointing to specific notations, dates, whole paragraphs blacked out with marker. “Do you understand we’ve been victims of grief? All of the time we spent on this was a great way for us to bond and deal with our brothers death in our own manner.” Ivan lightly massaged his temples, his face produced despondency of infinite proportion. “Sebastian, I’m more discouraged than you know. I’m realizing this was all a façade to keep our brothers memory alive and we’ve done so in a most disgusting fashion.” Without even looking to Sebastian for approval he started gathering up all the paperwork and stuffing it back into the over utilized folder. “We’re not Karamazov brothers trying to debate free will or morality, nor did we write something as astonishing as the story of the Grand Inquisitor.” Ivan had to turn his back to Sebastian in fear of losing his train of thought looking into those fiery eyes. “We don’t have a murder case, we don’t even have substantial evidence to not re-open but just plan open a case and one that is nearly twenty years in our past.” The sound of glass being projected into a wall with superlative force shattered Ivan’s narration. Since Ivan had his back turned he could only assume Sebastian had lost his temper at hearing the truth and destroyed something beautiful. Next he heard the words “You never had to humor me pretending to investigate something you didn’t believe for my attention.” After throwing the glass against the wall Sebastian had already dismissed hearing Ivan’s resolution and was heading towards the door as he was talking, both of them not facing each other. “Thanks for doing all the fake legwork and letting me hang on your faux coat tails.” He closed the door as if hoping it would break free from its hinges.

8

Prefecture Unknown

Tendrils of smoke spiraled towards the ceiling fan spinning in reverse making the smoke return to the stained carpet. Detective Ushikawa lit another Lucky Strike cigarette while simultaneously scratching his head. One of his nervous habits while thinking perpetually suspended his hair in disarray. The case file sprawled out in front of him was a mass of confusion. He neglected going to the crime scene when it projected through the dispatch speaker. Now he regretted not being there in person. Case #06-18-07-17 wasn’t talking to him, not the same way as staring at corpses and smelling lingering gun powder. Ushikawa had been a homicide detective for over a decade. He had seen all the typical and not so typical murders. The one presently assigned was keeping him at his desk long after regular hours and the hair on his head was protruding in every direction possible. With no one in the room to hear him talking to himself he said, “This just doesn’t make sense, and I don’t get paid for deciphering this kinda shit.” He had read the case file enough to memorize the scenario. “Guy walks into a non-descriptive hotel room, four full metal jacket .38 bullets all hit their target, the victim’s chest. Followed by the last in the assailant’s head. All five revolver cylinders spent on Murder-suicide.” Ushikawa hated to summarize a case with alternate possibilities, but the other pieces didn’t make enough sense. The weapon registered to this guys brother Ivan, who committed suicide almost a year ago. The victim had no connection to Sebastian nor any prior convictions or even traffic violation. The poor fuck probably didn’t have any reason to consort with a socialite like Sebastian. Not noticing, Ushikawa had started recapitulating aloud again. “Sebastian. Why’d you do it? It says right here in my file you had a bank account full of money, thousands in the form of international banknotes and enough Vicodin to supply an entire hospital.” He exhaled a stream of carbon monoxide, then used his already burning cigarette to light another. “I don’t know why you killed him or yourself and apparently nobody else will either.” He picked up his ball point pen and signed his named ?? condemning the case unsolved with no need for further investigation. Crushing out his cigarette into the ashtray Ushikawa closed the file, turned out his desk lamp and shut the door.



12

Emergency Contraceptive (writing example from the upcoming novel *0.0.1 zeroedit)


The ink lubricated ball traveled in all directions leaving behind blue lines, swoops, and dots. Sebastian’s left hand was manipulating the cheap Bic ballpoint pen vigorously creating a list of ideas on how to obtain suicide reports. His creative determination shielded his eyes from his new enticing instructor. He was more concerned with smudging his writing with the heel of his palm. His grandmother’s social security check didn’t allow him the privilege of buying left-handed school supplies, he didn’t care. Sebastian never thought of his dominate hand as a handicap. It made him more aware of the surrounding environment, everything needed extra assessment. It changed where he could sit comfortably at a dinner table or how he held his hand one inch higher from the page than most people. Sebastian once heard that ‘left handed’ roughly translated to sinister using the dead language Latin. Whenever someone spoke the word ‘sinister’, Sebastian imagined himself as an evil super villain or mad scientist holding the world in his left hand.

His day dreams of grandeur quickly dissipated when he heard his name being called. The tone was refreshing, not like all his previous teachers that seemed to fumble the pronunciation purposely embarrassing him in front of his peers. Adults seemed to dislike Sebastian more than people the same age as him, but hearing the new tone of his 3 syllable name sounded timid and alluring. He answered as confidently as possible. “Yes… Um… Here. I mean.. present. Sorry, Hi. I’m Sebastian.” His descent into blundering fool was more embarrassing than if she had pronounced his name wrong. The whole class snickering at Sebastian’s word vomit put to ease as fast as possible when the teacher immediately called the next persons name on the list saying it loud and repeating it without hesitation to mark whomever it was absent. Sebastian’s relief was astounding, normally the teacher would have let the whole class continue laughing until they bored. Sebastian hid his smile, putting attention back to the list he was writing when she had disrupted his work only a few moments ago. When his eyes returned to the page it wasn’t a list of anything, it was a page from the journal. He had subconsciously written one of the entries. The unexpected and remarkable paragraph he unknowingly transcribed was about a teenager that suffocated himself using carbon dioxide from a car exhaust. Sebastian tapped the pen on the paper incisively, a strange feeling of satisfaction disguised his confusion. He had a feeling he had written Rhys’s brother’s suicide note.

Twenty feet from Sebastian’s desk was the chalk board. It covered top to bottom in very girly script including the heart dotted letter ‘i’ of her name, Claire Neville. Included on the blackboard was the daily class assignments, homework, and her personal email address. She explained that the school had not provided her with an official email address yet and that nobody should abuse the privilege of having her personal information. It was her segue into plagiarism. She claimed to have a zero tolerance for anyone lying about the writing they submit as their own. The lecture she had prepared would scare anyone from ever attempting to steal another authors work or even another students. She was younger and exulted her youth saying she was on the internet as much as anyone else in the classroom and she would search every known forum for students sharing writing. Sebastian liked how assertive she was about being original. He had often questioned why other students wanted to cheat, especially after he had worked so hard to be in college the risk of being expelled was terrifying. He listened to every word she said, wrote every word she told the class to document. Sebastian captivated by her beauty. He hadn’t thought about the journal in his messenger bag for nearly an hour. He did start to think about how incredibly stupid it was going to be when he turned in Rhys’s love letter instead of a real resume. Sebastian didn’t even attempt to argue with his previous promise, he would do as Rhys asked without question. His loyalty was with his friend, but biologically his rock hard erection was trying to persuade him into changing the name and phone number on Rhys’s poetry. Sebastian started to feel more awkward than when he messed up during the morning roll call.

Seconds turned into minutes and soon those minutes would accumulate into an hour and his penis would be traumatized from the pressure of not being able to masturbate. If he had sat in the back of the classroom he would have attempted to relieve himself, but instead he was front row with the sexual protagonist. Sebastian scanned his memory for all sorts of things that would normally calm his out-of-place erections. His parents dead bodies, his sickly grandmother, his grandfathers funeral but nothing was working. His time in class was about to expire and he would have to walk out in shame, maybe sent to see the school nurse or worse the dean. Sebastian prepared himself for complete degradation. He had cleared everything from his desk with exception of Rhys’s stupid love resume. Sebastian’s eyes went left to right, reading every word printed on it. After finishing the task reading Rhys’s bad writing his erection disappeared and replaced by contempt for his friend. He felt ashamed that his new charming teacher would have to read these awful limericks. Sebastian tried to blend into the single file line of students on their way to drop off their writers resumes on her desk, he wanted to blend in more than ever. He couldn’t handle a one on one conversation with Claire, not knowing how his penis would react. Maybe it was luck or maybe it was the person before Sebastian’s turn at the front of the desk the student before him wanted to explain something about his résumé as an excuse to hit on her. Sebastian couldn’t have been happier to drop off the fraudulent resume, without hesitation he escaped the class by running. Nearly knocking over a few different students with his clumsy dash he let his feet go faster than his mind and he ran straight into the hallway and into the adjacent classroom.