Is everyone really blind?

I'm sorry to hear that. I like to think we draw those to ourselves of whom we feel we deserve... there's a difference between wanting and deserving, at least internally. If we can't believe we can ever be happy, then we never will be.

I don't wish to tell you who you are, I apologize for that. Perhaps then I can say who I am in my own words. When I see others in pain, I see myself there and seeing myself from the outside looking in, it allows me to understand what has to be done for myself to receive that which I desire, what would make me happy. If anything perhaps I wish to say... it would be what I have found, in my meditations upon compassion, giving that to others, even though we feel we have none for ourselves... is the truest way of ever feeling like we deserve it ourselves. In this singular action, we heal our wounds, and allow ourselves to bring those who can accept us closer to us in life, to choose to go to them, to bring them to us... it is all the same. Like a light in the darkness, the people that can see, do.

I feel like life is showing us, or testing us, to see how far we'll go and how much belief we really have. One cannot simply say they are free and make it true, and in seeking freedom, we must seek to know what it really means to our selves. If we sit in a cage and feel comfortable in that it protects us, we know that outside there is pain, but to step through that door is the only way we can begin to rework the material of which we are given to build our walls to protect... into a throne of which we sit and become commanders of own destiny. In this way we can steer ourselves away from pain and suffering, moving instead towards the light of unconditional love that we all know and can translate equally, for it is the loss we feel that exists only in comparison to that which we once had.

tlr15 posted:

You're one of the beautiful people (both of you). Sorry that's what I call the people I write about in my poetry. Those who sit quietly and see everything... try to help as much as we can, but feel no one can see us. We are rare, but there are a lot of us. It's nice to have a place to talk about this stuff openly.

That was a nice original post by the way. Beautiful and very perceptive. People with good hearts feel the most, including the bad stuff unfortunately, but even with that I've found feeling the bad is better than feeling nothing.

I agree, and thank you

Your very welcome. Maybe we can form a little club... see just how many people feel this way on here. Wouldn't it be nice to prove that feeling of lonliness we all share wrong? In fact I often wonder what people like us could do if we all got together... maybe even change the world.

Work in progress.

Flower

The Pain is a fire that burns deep inside
consuming what there isn't strenght to hide
It digs deep at the core
with spoon and knive eating
the lies I belived
all of my life
many run from Pain
and divert
as if the Pain is only
created to hurt
I disagree and I know
it is sore, that place in the dark
Pain comes to feed
but there is more to it, you must belive
under stone and rot and mildew
Is a beautiful thing waiting
a flower THAT IS YOU
so let pain come and burn it away
cleansing the trash
left from time
and things people didn't have
the power to say
when you feel the pain coming
don't sit in despair
think about it's meaning
and what lies underneath
brilliant petals
like wings of a butterfly
atop a stem sturdy and lean
leafs covered in early dew
your gifts and treasure
all rooted in you
what you have to give to this world
all of your meanings
all that is true
your flower is just
waiting to see light
break through

The fires in my eyes, and the flames need fanning. -Mos Def

I know the fire too, only it has always been on the verge of going out because I suppose I am different... too good at keeping the pain out and everybody else too. I have kept the flame burning deep inside in a special place that only I know... but also it exists within everyone to know. I stumbled across the door and to forced my way inside to claim what was there as my own but really it is not.

Many words and understandings have a reverse that few choose to accept. Compassion may be used to only deny people experiences of pain that they truly need, and who am I to say they do not deserve it... who would I be without enduring through my personal trials? I take pain from those that deserve it, and I give pain to those that deserve it. That is the best of my understanding, because I too am learning as I go.

The understanding and order of the meanings of the words all changes, but all that really matters is that if you are capable and sure of your self. Through your self all things will be revealed to you that you need to know. Beyond each fear is a power waiting for you to claim it. All of it is meaningful to your life, all of it helps you better translate the meaning of what others say and do. The sources of their pain are like the branches of a tree... strike at the root.

Monster

The monster isn't under the bed
he is in the bed with me

he didn't come carrying a gun
but a pen, and wrote lies all over me

I truly wish I could come to him
In his place of safety
and take back what he took from me
and give him what he gave me

I have this hate and all this rage
and I don't say it regretfully
I hope that piece of shit burns in hell
And crys out in agony
forever and ever
and ever

tlr15 posted:

This poem is awesome. I too belive pain is beautiful, because you must first have the heart to feel pain the in first place... the stronger someone feels pain, the deeper their heart is... and isn't that beautiful?

The stronger someone feels it the deeper their heart is. I agree 100%. I have to believe suffering is not in vain. We learn so much about ourselves and eachother when we allow ourselves to feel pain, to understand it and grow because of it. Thanks

I believe you should only forgive someone if they actually change first. If they are just going to do it all over again then there is no point in forgiveness. When they realize what they have done, feel terrible about it and ACTUALLY PUT THE EFFORT IN to making themselves a better person, then forgiveness finally has real meaning.

And I believe in bad things happening to bad people, but only if there is a chance they could learn from it. Karma is funny. People often create their own hell, and I've noticed that bad people are often miserable every waking moment of their life. Nothing bad needs to even happen to them, because just being themselves makes life terrible.

Sorry to hear you've been burned by the way Julie ... thought I should say that.