[Make Her Real]

[Make Her Real]

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11/04/08 7:36 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	Alright, so, I'm actually really nervous about posting this, but, here's something I wrote. Please don't be too harsh if you comment.. [Make Her Real] Through empty eyes she stares at all the world has to offer with a childlike wonder. With torn ears she listens to all people have to say as her head begins to spin. On the tip of her tongue sit all the words she has to offer but refuse to come out. With scabbed feet she dances- she walks- she runs away. Another day and she plugs herself in. she tilts her head and is lost again. She opens the door and steps outside. She looks up at the night sky. All the stars, a thousand prying eyes; all the trees, waving good bye; and the wind, blowing her away. Once again she comes to that same old new realization. She spins in circles where she stands. She stops and drops the gun in her hands, and she runs for her life. Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2009 09:45PM by SunshineGirl.
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11/06/08 9:22 AM
stainless member tick,tick,ticking away Joined: 09/19/08 Location: Nashville Posts: 496	I think it is well written, especially for someone so young. keep writing.
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11/06/08 9:56 AM
tien member tasty! Joined: 09/22/08 Location: the supermarket Posts: 340	Nice....don't worry about criticism around here. most people are pretty kind about critiques....if people tell you mean stuff just tell them to post their poetry up and they'll shut up. ha ha lol.
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11/08/08 8:43 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	^lol stainless posted: I think it is well written, especially for someone so young. keep writing. Thank you. =]
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11/12/08 6:13 PM
spiritualwarrior member Joined: 10/17/08 Location: anywhere and everywhere Posts: 76	I aboslutely love this...powerful, poignant, beautiful...be proud of your creativity, it's really wonderful.
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11/12/08 7:49 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	Wow, thank you so much.
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11/15/08 11:16 PM
MrPezman member Joined: 11/10/08 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 696	You know, you seem so young for such...frightening words... It's so sad, and yet so touching. It almost sounds like you've been through some times, felt hopeless, alone, an outsider in your own world. That's why it's so sad. Your way with words, with touching on feelings like you have with your writing, to take those feelings and weave such beauty with them, that's touching. In other words: When can I read more of your work?????
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11/16/08 4:36 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	MrPezman posted: You know, you seem so young for such...frightening words... It's so sad, and yet so touching. It almost sounds like you've been through some times, felt hopeless, alone, an outsider in your own world. That's why it's so sad. Your way with words, with touching on feelings like you have with your writing, to take those feelings and weave such beauty with them, that's touching. In other words: When can I read more of your work????? I teared up a bit reading your comment, because yes, I have felt like that quite often, but I've been coming out of it, and I feel like I've been running like hell from what I'm coming out of. Anyway, thank you very much. =] Umum.. I guess I'll get to work on something. ha
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11/17/08 6:41 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	Over the last few days, when there's nothing to do, I've been writing haikus. They're not fantastic, but they're my first. I hope 5-7-5 is right. Here they are... [Fräulein] Look in the mirror Gobs of make up on my face Do I look ok? [Heim] Walls close in on me There is no more room to grow I can hardly breathe [NURA] After everything Joy now stands triumphantly Beating down the hurt [Show Me] I would love to write Something happy, full of joy But I don't know how [Vater] Alliteration Always doing the same things And now you're drowning Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2008 05:49PM by SunshineGirl.
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11/17/08 6:42 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	[Feel This] Suppressed for so long Finally wakes Wings spread Head rises Lungs gasping Ready? Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2008 05:50PM by SunshineGirl.
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11/17/08 6:46 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	I wrote this next one when I was 13. I say that not to impress, but as an excuse for it's potential suckiness. I was proud of it when I wrote it, but.. not so much anymore. But, I've never showed it to anyone, and am curious as to what you all have to say. So, have at it... [Writing on Black] Like mother and grandmother The daughter is drowning in the water Doesn't seem anyone cares Like father and grandfather The son is burning in the fire Isn't anybody there? Sometimes it all feels as pointless As writing on black Grab hold, grab hold, we'll fly away For I cannot stand another day I've tried so hard to teach them a better way - of peace, of love, of life But sometimes it seems as pointless As writing on black Trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay But I cannot take another day - of faking it Grab hold, grab hold, let's fly away For this world is as pointless As writing on black Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2008 05:50PM by SunshineGirl.
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11/17/08 5:55 PM
chrisgonzo member demand the impossible Joined: 08/05/08 Location: Florida Posts: 2,792	That's good for anybody, not just a 13 year old.
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11/19/08 12:59 AM
MrPezman member Joined: 11/10/08 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 696	Yeah, it's 5-7-5, and I like your haikus as much as your other poetry! I guess pain really does know no age, does it? I shudder to even attempt to visualize the kind of pain you must've endured. Still, your poetry is moving, and if it is a viable outlet, I say keep writing! Besides, I can't wait to read more!
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11/19/08 5:36 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	To me, compared to what other people have gone through, what I've gone through doesn't seem too significant.. I come from a typical broken-home-sad-story-daddy-left kind of thing, you know? Meh.. [Waterfall] I always sit too close to the edge Because the water is so lovely You know I always get lost And you push me in And so it begins Here I go again On the way down it came to me I can’t control what happens now And it took long enough And I stood back up And so it begins Here I go again As I walked back to Sanity I noticed That I can do this on my own And it took long enough And I fell to my knees And so it begins Here I go again
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11/21/08 2:00 AM
MrPezman member Joined: 11/10/08 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 696	Typical never makes it less painful. I like Waterfall, by the way! Something for you to consider: The Road to Eden by Sean D. Lucas Leave your burdens by the door You won't need them anymore Cast your doubts, allay your fears, Wipe away your long shed tears. All you love, all you adore, Will give you strength to find the door, Will steady your hand to turn the key And find sufficient faith to see Whatever it is that waits for you, Whoever it is to see you through A whispered kiss, a delightful sigh, Something wonderful draws ever nigh, A vision of freedom, a blissful retreat, A relaxed stroll down a sunny street, That leads only to what you desire, A chance to quench that consuming fire That's been eating you away so long, You've finally found a place to belong, Where you can be welcomed with open arms To ensure that you are free from harm. The walk back to Eden is far too protracted For those little things to keep you so distracted, So leave those burdens far away, And release your desire to live for today.
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11/22/08 12:39 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	Oh, I love that. And thank you. [Rainbow Blasphemy] here i sit at Your feet on this dingy carpet in this dark house i look up at Your gray face You are all i see but I couldn't see enough i am in Your hands You call me princess why then do You treat me like this i jump at Your every move what is Your mood today I hang my head and close my eyes I am alive I don't need to survive
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11/29/08 8:15 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	[Luke Warm] Everything is just fine and I'm feeling ok. Everyone is satisfied and we have just enough. Life is going alright and I'm wasting away.
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11/29/08 11:40 PM
Celfiousr member I am a cat Joined: 11/18/08 Location: At the crack of universe Posts: 242	nice stuff in here
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12/01/08 9:18 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	^Thank you. =] [Aftershock] Wandering through that place again Wondering what to put my faith in Saw you standing on the other side The fog almost makes you look pretty... Looking at my face in the mirror again I can't help but notice the changes All the invisible scars add up The fog almost makes me look pretty... Imagination takes hold again And I nearly lose my mind I'm slipping back down my fucking mountain and the fog looks so pretty...
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12/01/08 8:22 PM
chrisgonzo member demand the impossible Joined: 08/05/08 Location: Florida Posts: 2,792	nice.
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12/02/08 5:41 PM
qe76 member Chris ~N~ Elizabeth Joined: 11/06/08 Location: My heart is in Scotland Posts: 2,368	Waterfall and aftershock are my favorites- all of them are good but those two I really felt. And the flow was perfect. I keep re-reading them Thank you. If it's ok with you I'd like to print them and hang it up - do you sign your work with sunshinegirl?
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12/02/08 7:03 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	Thank you very much. No, I don't mind at all if you print them out. I'd be honored. =] Um, yeah, I guess I sign it with SunshineGirl.
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12/24/08 4:58 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	Not sure how I feel about this one... [Rasierer] I didn't know what it meant When you said "forever and always" I didn't know what it meant When you said "it's just you and me" Why do we have to move so fast If it's "forever and always" Well don't we have time? And if it's "just you and me" It doesn't sound like I have much of a choice I didn't know what it meant When you said you loved me And I didn't know what the hell it meant When I said I loved you, too But I don't think it meant a damn thing Do you? And I don't know what that means
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12/26/08 1:01 AM
chrisgonzo member demand the impossible Joined: 08/05/08 Location: Florida Posts: 2,792	SunshineGirl posted: Not sure how I feel about this one... you should feel ok about it, it's good.
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12/26/08 1:18 PM
dasfres member Joined: 12/01/08 Posts: 955	chrisgonzo posted: SunshineGirl posted: Not sure how I feel about this one... you should feel ok about it, it's good. I agree. Considering how difficult it is to find the courage to love and how vulnerable it makes you, it makes sense to be ambivalent at times. Of course, you may not be in love at all, you may just think you are.............lol........being ambivalent.
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12/28/08 8:42 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	dasfres posted: chrisgonzo posted: SunshineGirl posted: Not sure how I feel about this one... you should feel ok about it, it's good. I agree. Considering how difficult it is to find the courage to love and how vulnerable it makes you, it makes sense to be ambivalent at times. Of course, you may not be in love at all, you may just think you are.............lol........being ambivalent. Well, actually, I'm single, though I am terribly fond of someone at the moment, but it's not about them. lol Whatever, anyway. ^Thank you. =] Another one I'm not sure about. But, again, whatever. [oo es es ah]* I'll do anything And so much more I'm your own Personal whore You've stripped me down But why stop there? Your rejection Is more than I could bare Come on over Do what you will There's so much more To be done still My arbitrary devotion Is for you to abuse So come one, come all To the land of the used *You just said something in German!
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12/28/08 8:56 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	[Uben] Dark eyes, so bright My only light So quiet, your voice Never by choice It hurts, how much I miss you To daydream is all I can do I want you with me everyday But I don't know what I'd say And I dream about you every night I nearly cry at the false sight I would love to tell this to you But I don't know if you feel it, too Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2008 07:57PM by SunshineGirl.
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12/28/08 8:05 PM
dasfres member Joined: 12/01/08 Posts: 955	Well, these are both pretty amazing. It hurts, how much I miss you To daydream is all I can do I want you with me everyday But I don't know what I'd say And I dream about you every night I nearly cry at the false sight Very moving...... Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2008 08:07PM by dasfres.
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12/28/08 9:12 PM
SunshineGirl member solntse vizhu! Joined: 10/27/08 Location: Texas Posts: 2,069	^Thank you. =]
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12/28/08 8:31 PM
qe76 member Chris ~N~ Elizabeth Joined: 11/06/08 Location: My heart is in Scotland Posts: 2,368	sunshinegirl!!- been waiting for you to write some more Everyone who comes over wants to know who sunshinegirl is cause I hung up your poems like I said I would. So far beside you only family has made it to my wall. lol Been meaning to tell you everyone that's read them loves them-
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