11bobrady11 posted:

i don't know if this has been posted here before (yes! i am too slack to go look:/)

'a hippy sits next to a nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her. she said "NO! i am married to God" and gets off the bus disgusted..
the bus driver said "she prays every night at midnight in the grave yard, so why not dress up in a hooded robe and go to the graveyard and tell her you are god and demand sex?"
the hippy tries this and to his surprise the nun says "yes, but only if we have anal sex as i want to keep my virginity."
they have passionate bumsex and when they are done the hippy throws off his robe and cries 'haha i'm the hippy from the bus' then the nun cries out "haha. i'm the bus driver"


maybe i need to hang out with funnier people:/

This is my favorite joke of all time.

Don't tell me we're running out of jokes already???? We're starting to repeat ourselves... except for leo3375, whose latest contribution is BAD!!!!!!


OK, let's see if I can think of a joke. Here's a couple that are truly awful!!!


Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. Lumpy milkshakes!!

Q. What do you get if you cross a sheepdog and a bunch of daisies?
A. Collie-flowers!!!


ok I'll go back into my corner...

[theoatmeal.com]

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
OH SNAP!

How does Hitler ties his shoes?
With little Nazis

What do you get when you cross a Tyrannosaurus Rex with fireworks?
DINO-MITE!

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

A baby seal walks into a club…

What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns. I'll drive."

^^ Thank you PeedroPaula!!


Q. Why did the turkey join the band?
A. Because it had the drumsticks!!!


Q. Why do bakers work so hard?
A. Because they need the dough...

11bobrady11, you are a bad bad man....


Q. What do you get if you cross an orange with a comedian?
A. Peels of laughter...


Q. What sort of fish performs operations?
A. A sturgeon!!

^^ I hate to say this, but wasn't this joke posted here already? It's a good one!!!

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot and an alligator?
A. Something that bites your head off and says "Who's a pretty boy?"

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot and an elephant?
A. Something that tells everything it remembers.

11bobrady11 posted:

oh gawd ^^

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new hairstyle?!?!?


Neither has he.

Did you know Stevie Wonder had a tree house in his back yard growing up?

He didn't either


I actually had the chance to meet him backstage before a concert one night, and before Stevie got there, his manager took me aside and told me "don't stare at him, he hates that"

Two penguins were walking across an iceberg. One penguin turned to the second penguin and said
"You look like you're wearing a tuxedo."
And the second penguin said
"Maybe I am."

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

Ask me if I have a banana in my ear.
Do you have a banana in your ear?
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery up his nose. The doctor told him he wasn't eating right.

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2010 08:29PM by ningamer.

HA! That made me laugh

11bobrady11 posted:

Joan Cootes posted:

^^ I hate to say this, but wasn't this joke posted here already? It's a good one!!!

entirely probable Joan. in fact i suspect it may have been one of my earlier bad attempts. i'm thinking of renaming my 'memory' a 'forgetory'. sorry.

It's OK 11bobrady11. It's called "getting older" and it happens to the best of us (even me!!!!)

Now, a joke:

Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a mink?
A. A fur jumper with pockets.

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a rainstorm?
A. A wet blanket.

That's one of my favorites!

^^ ohdearohdear.... ;-)


Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Operator: Hmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: yes.
Operator: The power in the house is on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.


****

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy?

Works for Jersey girls, too But I can't say that, because I don't live there...

One day, a group of girls (nine blondes and a brunette) were taking a helicopter ride through the city. They hit major turbulence and they were all knocked out of the helicopter, but everyone managed to grab onto the landing gear. Unfortunately, there was too much weight on one side of the helicopter, so it was going down. The brunette said to the other girls:
There's toom much weight on this side of the helicopter! one of has to let go to save the rest. I just want you all to know that in the short time I've known you all, I've come to love you as dear friends, so I'm going to sacrifice myself to save the rest of you!
The blondes, so overwhelmed by her love and kindness, all started clapping...

Joan Cootes posted:

^^ ohdearohdear.... ;-)


Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Operator: Hmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: yes.
Operator: The power in the house is on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.


****

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy?

^^^oh har har! :p



what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool? bob.

Ohdearohdear....


Q. Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A. They both get fucked up when they're on their back.


Q. What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of her head?
A. All you can eat, under a buck.