World's Worst Jokes

World's Worst Jokes

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08/01/10 1:37 PM
johnny_ripper member it's awfully considerate Joined: 02/15/08 Location: desolation row Posts: 5,449	I was seeing a girl for 3 weeks. But then somebody stole my binoculars. ningamer posted: Two penguins were walking across an iceberg. One penguin turned to the second penguin and said "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo." And the second penguin said "Maybe I am." I love how only people who watch Twin Peaks like this joke.
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08/01/10 3:01 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	What do you call a Mexican who lives in the southern United States? A Hick-spanic
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08/01/10 7:44 PM
uncle_asshole member Joined: 04/23/08 Posts: 377	ok, here is a contribution from me,..... it was x-mas time, and lil eddie had a foul mouth really bad, so, his parents took him to a psychiatrist to try and get help,... well, after meeting with lil eddie, dr. smith pulled the dad to the side and suggested he replace lil eddie's x-mas wish list w/ dog shit instead,... on the way home, they stopped at the mall to see santa, and, lil eddie made the following requests(demands); "when i wake up, i want a damned teddy bear nestled in my arms, and when i walk downstairs, i wanna see a fukkin' train track around the tree, and, i want a fukkin' new bike in the god-damned driveway, you fat bastard!!!" so, x-mas morning arrives, and when the boy wakes up, he has a pile of dog shit in his arms, unhappily, he makes his way downstairs to find out that there is no train, just another pile of dog shit with his name on it, begrudgingly, he looked in the driveway, and again, another pile of shit for him,.... lil eddie walks back into the living room and his dad asks him what he got from santa, to which lil eddie replied, " i think he brought me a puppy, but i can't find the lil fukker!!!"
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08/02/10 5:31 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	^^HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I had to read that out loud, and my son laughed and said "That is an Aussie joke!!" High praise indeed!!! Now, my joke: Q. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A. Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds". Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a computer? A. You have to punch the information into the computer only once.
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08/02/10 5:41 AM
11bobrady11 member srsly tho, ivvaddagutful! Joined: 02/08/09 Location: a pencilcase. Posts: 3,051	^^ oh Joan. . mine will be no better, lol. a man and a woman are riding up in an elevator. the man looks at the woman and says, "can i smell your pussy?" and she replies "HELL NO" the man then says, "well then it must be your feet then. ."
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08/02/10 5:58 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	^^Oh that is so bad!!!!! Here's one from my son, apologies in advance... In the beginning God made heaven and earth. Tasmania was an off-cut. (I did apologise beforehand...)
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08/02/10 5:59 AM
picofarad member "gravity always wins" Joined: 07/02/08 Posts: 989	A scientist has invented a bra that stops breasts bobbing up & down and nipples sticking out in the cold..... His colleagues have kicked his fucking head in!
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08/02/10 6:02 AM
11bobrady11 member srsly tho, ivvaddagutful! Joined: 02/08/09 Location: a pencilcase. Posts: 3,051	^^gasp a blind man walks into a store with his 'see-ing eye' dog. all of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. the manger runs up and demands, "WTF are you doing?????" the blind man replies "just having a look around."
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08/02/10 6:03 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	^^^ That is a good one!!!! Queenslanders drink XXXX because it's the only beer they can spell.
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08/02/10 6:16 AM
11bobrady11 member srsly tho, ivvaddagutful! Joined: 02/08/09 Location: a pencilcase. Posts: 3,051	one for the road. . an elephant says to a camel, "why are your tits on your back?", and the camel said, "well thats very rude considering you have a penis on your face"...
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08/02/10 4:55 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing- You already told her twice I'm soooo sorry...
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08/02/10 5:42 PM
rev member Elitist Joined: 11/28/07 Location: In My Head Posts: 999	nin.com
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08/03/10 5:58 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	You people are SO BAD!!!! I laughed so much I have tears... Q. How can you tell which spiders are the trendiest? A. They have their own websites. Q. What do you get if you cross a Welshman with a boomerang? A. A nasty smell you can't get rid of.
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08/03/10 6:05 AM
11bobrady11 member srsly tho, ivvaddagutful! Joined: 02/08/09 Location: a pencilcase. Posts: 3,051	thats as good as. . Q: why wasn't Jesus born in Tasmania? A: God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
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08/03/10 7:40 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	Japan...
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08/04/10 5:54 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	11bobrady11, that is BAD!!!!! Q. What's the difference between Aussies and pigs? A. Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink. Q. Why do birds fly upside down over Australia? A. It's not worth shitting on.
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08/04/10 5:24 PM
uncle_asshole member Joined: 04/23/08 Posts: 377	ahem, steps to the microphone, apologizes because i am not sure if this belongs here, or in random lyrics, or elsewhere,...(sung to the theme of "the beverly hillbillies" come and listen to my story 'bout a man named jed, stripped ellie mae and threw her on the bed, and outta his pants came a wigglin worm, and outta that worm came a bubblin' sperm,... cum that is, white gold, he-man's tea,... well, the next thing you know old jed's eating hair, kin-folk said get your face outta there, said granny clumpett is the one you wanna screw, so he loaded up his balls and he screwed old granny too,... (god-fuck, would this be a suitable american idol audition tape?????)
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08/04/10 5:36 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	That would be the greatest audition tape ever
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08/04/10 6:41 PM
AMarvelGirl member Vestal Virgin Joined: 07/26/10 Location: The Seventh Layer of Hell Posts: 26	what did the fish say when he ran into a wall? "dam."
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08/04/10 8:07 PM
uncle_asshole member Joined: 04/23/08 Posts: 377	The_Prowler posted: That would be the greatest audition tape ever am i thinking that if it's william hung(?) singing it, ryan and simon won't get it???
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08/04/10 8:09 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	What do you call video of pedestrians walking? Footage
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08/05/10 6:40 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	ohdearohdearohdear.... I do like the song though... and all the other jokes... An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New Zealander were in a plane, getting ready to make their first parachute jump. The Englishman's exit was spectacular; he leapt out of the plane with the cry "I am doing this for my country.....". The Irishman leapt out immediately afterwards, calling out the same words. Then the New Zealander ripped the parachute off the Australian, pushed him out of the plane and cried "I'm doing this for my country.....".
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08/05/10 6:38 PM
uncle_asshole member Joined: 04/23/08 Posts: 377	question; why does a woman pierce her belly button??? answer; so she can hang an air freshener from it!!! (sorry ladies!!!)
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08/05/10 9:12 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	I don't know if you'd find this funny unless you were from Virginia... (Note, the towns are pronounced "Dumfrees" and "Ma-Nassas" What do you call the people who live between Dumfries and Manassas? Dumbasses
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08/06/10 6:18 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	^^ groan..... Most Australians aren't too good at history. For example, they think Gandhi's first name was Goosey Goosey.
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08/12/10 10:45 PM
Old Moparz member Bob Joined: 08/18/08 Posts: 5,759	Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"
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08/12/10 9:55 PM
The_Prowler member Now I'm nothing... Joined: 05/02/08 Location: Fredericksburg Vagina Posts: 18,609	Old Moparz posted: Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!" And the moral of the story is: Quit while you're ahead
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08/15/10 6:21 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	^^^ oh dear... Q. What do you call a field full of Australians? A. A vacant lot. Q. How do you define 144 Australians? A. Gross stupidity.
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08/15/10 2:24 PM
LisaM. member Joined: 04/13/08 Posts: 7,295	A man who has a problem with flatulence, decides to go see his doctor about his issue. Once there, he says "Doc, everytime I fart, it doesn't sound like a real fart; my ass makes a sound like it's saying 'Honda'" The doctor replied, "Ahh, I know what your problem is--you need to go see your dentist." Puzzled, the man went to his dentist, and explained the situation and that his doctor referred him there. The dentist asked for a demonstration, to confirm his suspicion, and sure enough, when the man farted, it sounded like 'Honda'. The dentist said "Open your mouth, now so I can have a look." The man said "My mouth? What does that have to do with my ass making a 'Honda' sound??" The dentist looked inside the man's mouth and said "Yep, just what I thought--you have an abcessed tooth." The man replied "But that still doesn't explain about my farts." The dentist said "Why sure it does; haven't you ever heard the old saying: 'Abcess makes the fart go Honda'??" ________________ (Play on the saying "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder" LOL)
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08/16/10 5:37 AM
Joan Cootes member cougar Joined: 09/04/08 Location: fuggen Minno Posts: 12,124	^^Oh dear, that is an oldie but a goodie!!! The Aussie pilot, when asked for his height and position, replied, "I'm 5'11 and sitting in the front seat". Q. What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test? A. A cheat.
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