OMS posted:

I bet it would be hard to keep a house like this clean...

obviously a transparent post

I don't have kids, but I am like a second mother to my four nieces. My sister tends to leave certain disciplinary actions to me because for some reason the kids listen to me better when it comes to that. On monday, I was at my sisters for dinner and my oldest niece had testing in the morning so I wanted her to get a decent nights rest. When 8pm rolled around, I told her it was time for bed and she said she didn't want to go to bed. I told her that she could read for thirty minutes until she got tired but either way, it was wind down time so she needed to get ready for bed so that she wouldn't be dog tired when she went to school tomorrow and did her testing. I remember that I didn't get a lot of sleep growing up (my parents didn't enforce a bed time and I had wonky sleep hours and now I'm an insomniac) so I was always sluggish and tired at school. I wanted my niece to not adopt this kind of lifestyle.

So I'm arguing with her and she's being defiant. She's 12 now so it's expected, she's on the verge of being a teen so I expect her rebellious side to come peeking out at any moment. Getting pissed up I stood before her and said that now she wasn't going to be able to read and that I expected her to go straight to bed. I took away her book and phone and told her to get in her room.

Now, my niece is taller than me, and I'm 5"5. I can see her getting in to the mindset of thinking that because she's taller than me and her mom, she doesn't have to listen to what we say and can do what she wants because she's too big to discipline or something like that. Well, Aunty Suge don't play that shit.

I told her I wanted her in her room or I would put her there myself. She didn't believe me so I grabbed her arm and got her off the couch and dragged her into her room. It's not like she went limp and I dragged her on the carpet to her room. No, she was standing, and just kinda shuffling her feet. When she saw I was getting pissed and that I was serious, she went into her room herself and start throwing a rubber band ball at the wall. I went in and told her to knock it off and she gave me some attitude about how no one cared about her and how she wanted to call the police and have them take her away.

So I said, "Go ahead. Do that. Get your mom and me in trouble for something as petty as this. Because there are kids who get beaten, and molested and abused EVERY DAY and say nothing and pretty much grow up with it. And you're going to call the police because I disciplined you when you didn't want to go to bed? Go ahead."

She got silent and kind of ignored me for a minute before saying she was just gonna jump out the window and run away. I sat on the edge of her bed and said "You want that kind of life already? At 12 years old? For starters, I know where you would go. You'd go seven houses away to gramma's house. Secondly, you want to see where a real runaway lives? What a real runaways life is like? You want to see real homeless people? Because I will show you how a real homeless runaway teenager lives. It is not a flattering life. But they probably have something more real to run away from and you're just pissed because we told you to go to bed."

And that was the end of it. My niece ended up going to bed and the thing that pissed me off was that my sister barely did anything. She helped by yelling and all that shit but then I had to do the rest.

And my niece isn't one for rebellion, although I know it creeps up when least expected. Her issue resides with the fact that her mom just got rid of one loser boyfriend and immediately adopted another one. Same type even, no car, unemployed, two kids he never sees. The only thing different about him is his race. My niece feels uncomfortable having him around but my sister doesn't care. I told my sister that instead of practically moving the loser in and exposing him to her kids who have already had many different men in their lives thanks to their mom is a bad idea. Ease him in. But no, not my sister. It's all about sex and there's very little regard for what her kids think. Because, she cannot be happy without having a man in her life. She is not satisfied unless there's a penis involved.

And I think that is where my nieces anger has been coming from. I've tried talking to my sister but she doesn't listen and frankly, doesn't care about her kids and how they feel about this guy or anyone that will follow. It's very insensitive and thoughtless. My nieces expresses anger and disgust at her mom's "whorish" ways (her words). I understand her totally. But what can I do? I'm the aunt and my sister and my parents (who are very much a part of all of my nieces' lives as much as I am) will not listen to what their childless sister/daughter says about all this bullshit, despite the fact that I've been right in the past about these fucking things.

...And that is my rant.

Suge, I've noticed a lot over the years, that in a lot of families, there seems to be one "designated" person that is the "caretaker" of sorts, to whom everyone seems to turn to, leads in some way, steps up to responsibility and also gets dumped on at the same time. It sounds like that is your role in your family, and while it can be stressful at times, remember that you are also in a position to turn things around for the good, as much as you can. Where would your niece be without you there watching out? Sometimes the Caretaker-role can be a burden or feel like one,but overall, I really think it's a blessing and an honor, though sometimes in disguise.

Suge, remember that you don't have to give birth to be a mother, and just because you do, doesn't always mean you are one (or at least a worthy one).

Suge posted:

Indeed....Sooooo I guess I have kids then lol. It will make being the crazy cat lady difficult but I'm sure I can manage.

As long as you teach them how to wash their hands after scooping the litter box, you're being a responsible Mom.