Quit stalking their girlfriends. As tempting as it may be what with their obnoxious need for attention, just stop.

*sigh* I'm not trying to have a huge career (If I were after prestige and money, believe you-me I could and would have achieved it by now)...that's not why I'm spending all this time researching fields and taking career tests, interest surveys (I.e. basically living with my snout in a book and looking into nothingness ponderously - kinda like this ). It's just that...although I never dreamed of a big wedding or anything growing up, or of being a super mom, I had, like a lot of women my age, thought/assumed I would have been married with kids by now...and I'm not. (And now a days we old maids are the norm I'm learning)

I guess all this searching and studying and testing and "going within" is my way of trying to see if I can't figure out why the fack I'm on the planet. (If not to get married and have kids then what for?) And it's not that I can't be alone. I can, quite happily, but I also thought my life would have been different too. Plus, I know I'm an intelligent woman and, though this job is OK and it pays pretty good, (and I've worked hard and sacrificed a lot to be where I am believe me) I think I'm capable of much more. For example, according to the Holland Codes I am, in order of highest scores, Investigative (Scientific), Artistic and Realistic (hands on) (fields like Astronomy, BioChem/BioPhys, Archaeology, Anthropology, Architecture, Media and Computer Animation etc.) my lowest two scores are Clerical and Enterprising (Business)...Clearly, I'm a fish outta water here ok? Basically, I took a wrong turn somewhere and just kept going.

But believe me, if I had my choice I'd be with my soul mate, making a life together, building a home, maybe starting a family....but... I gotta do something with all my free time. I'd rather spend it trying to improve myself/my life then sit in a bar, at home watching TV, living on the internet or whatever...I mean if those things float your boat fine but...I'm just restless. I feel like I'm meandering aimlessly through my life and I'm trying to bring some semblence of meaning and reason to it; That's all. Jenny Wren is a little lost, getting lonely and trying find her flock and get back on the right flight path. OTAY?



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2009 07:30PM by janedoepa.

Stop throwing yourself at him. He's a married man. You're a slut & a homewrecker.
And you're old enough to be his mother.

to someone very special.

...everytime you hear 'all the young dudes', watch for a glimpse a Miami Dolphins game, see or hear anything about Earnhardt, watch cnn in the morning, hear crickets chirping a certain song, hear 'OMG OMG OMG', long silly conversations of the varied, rocking in our chairs on the front porch at 80 yrs old, 'no way' and 'way', and ever get into a back and forth of what is right and wrong, true and fake, real or imagined...you'll think of me. And Sir, I will surely think of you friend. I PROMISE.


so long

I realize that you're dead, but for some reason you're still fucking up my life
...from beyond the grave.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/28/2009 04:55PM by silkspectre.